Sunday, July 31, 2016

Tinder dates & finding a place to shag in Pakistan

I recently heard from a student who returned home to Pakistan (from the US) to find out that, hey... you can use Tinder to find a date in Karachi... but... what happens when you do find one..and you have no place to fuck? #PakistaniProblems 

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I got to Karachi last week and out of I curiosity I decided to check out Tinder.  There weren't a lot of women on there but I got a match and a date eventually.  

So it does work over here.  

Now for the complicated bit: 

I'm here visiting family so I don't have a place of my own.  She lives with her parents so her place is out of the equation also.  There are no cheap motels you can go to.  She wants to shag and I wanna shag but we don't have a place.  

It's extremely frustrating.  

Frustrating to the point where I wanna just cut my trip short and go back home.  

That's not the only complication though.  I could probably shell out the money needed to get a room in one of the nicer hotels.  However, her folks don't exactly know about her 'extra curricular activities'. We looked at her schedule and it doesn't seem like she has any days where she'd be off work and have a convincing alibi.  At least, not until I've already left. 

The good thing about it is that she's an agnostic also.  I had never known an agnostic when I lived here in Karachi.  It was refreshing talking to her about her journey towards godlessness and telling her about mine.  

I hear you, meeting someone even remotely questioning religion in Pakistan is truly a breath of fresh air... there's so much more value to it because almost everyone you meet is spouting religious nonsense...I was lucky to have a few godless friends during my brief stay in Pakistan, mostly it felt like i was drowning in religion, till i got to hang out with them on the weekends, where we could all feel a bond over the absurdities that surrounded us on a daily basis. Those were the times I came up for air...took a deep breath and held it in till the next time we met. 


It was so easy connecting with her with our shared culture and life experiences.  However, we didn't agree on everything.  She's a lot more progressive when it comes to her sexuality than I am with mine.  I asked about her relationship goals for the future and what she though about monogamy.  Let's just say her perspective was a lot more realistic than mine.  I believe I'd be okay staying with one woman (the right one of course) for the rest of my life.  Would the woman be okay with it though?  She was okay with the idea of there being affairs in her marriage on both sides or even opening up the relationship.  It was interesting to hear that from someone first hand. 

I'm glad you guys were open to discussing these things....no two people will think exactly alike, but having these conversations is so important. Usually our culture/tradition dictates how things will be, end of story. Questioning, moulding it into your own, is what will move us forward. And for some that will look like traditional monogamous relationships....there's nothing wrong with that either... but at least some thought was put into arriving at that conclusion. 

And I somehow confessed to having hooked up with guys and she was pretty cool about it.  That was refreshing as well.  

That's great. I'm glad she was cool about it.

The ironic part is that I've never been with a woman before.  If this goes through, she'd be the first woman I ever slept with.  Why have I never been with a woman before?  Am I gay?  You'd assume with me having been with several guys.  I don't think so though.  

Sorry for Sexualitysplaining here (but u did ask): Sexuality is complex, it's often not as black and white as the world makes it out to be. You could be bi with more of an attraction to women, or you could simply be more comfortable around men than around women because of being raised in a culture that provides little opportunity for intermingling with the opposite sex. I've spoken to several Pakistani men who claim not to enjoy sex with men as much, but just do it because it's easier or because that's whats available. I hate to make this comparison, but its kind of like in prison people will have sex with who's available, its situational, not necessarily related to orientation. But on the other hand i've also spoken to some Pakistani men who are uncomfortable admitting they are attracted to men, and will more easily admit to sleeping with them for convenience. Which it is, only you can know...

After moving to the US I lived with a parent who places a lot of restrictions on what I could and couldn't do.  He basically planned my life for me almost on a daily basis.  Why didn't this grown ass man move out?  I'm somewhat of a schemer.  I like to think long term and staying with him made sense long term.  I did not consider the emotional cost of the arrangement though.  My social life suffered to the point where I have made just one or two friends in my 4 years in the States.  Stayed in the same city all those years.  I didn't date, out of the question.  It was work, home, laundry, grocery store, repeat.  I didn't have a car and public transportation sucks where I live.

That sounds truly awful :( If you can move out, I'd recommend moving out...because enough of this.. you need to get out there and live life! I'm sorry it had to be like this.. but its quite common with more conservative desi parents.


Finding guys willing to provide sexual favours was so easy that I decided to give it a go for the sake of some human contact.  That journey is a story for another time. 

Yeah, I thought as much. As for finding a place to shag, well...there are no safe, cheap, clean motels in Pakistan that I know of... you would be best shelling out a few extra Rupees for a room in one of the big hotels. Depends on how much you want this to happen. Be safe and discrete (cuz ppl can get into serious trouble for trying to have sex outside of wedlock in Pakistan), also...use condoms. 

But yes her finding a way to be out of work and away from home long enough for this to happen may prove difficult, as we all know how closely unmarried girls are monitored by their families.

I can't help you there, I'm afraid.. but if there are any Pakistanis reading this who have gone through a similar situation, if you have any tips please do leave them below in the comments.

I used to have a larger Pakistani audience once, but since I became more open about my distaste for religion and it's effects on sexuality.... they've mostly stopped being interested in what I have to say. I have a larger international audience now, but I don't think many people would be able to provide helpful tips on specific situations in Pakistan. Still putting this out there. 

Hope you sort it out, good luck! 

-E

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