Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Faith, Guilt and Masturbation

Hi!

I saw your blog and was pretty impressed. I think your aims are impressive and its nice that you're providing a platform for people.

Before I start, I just want to say I've more or less gotten your stance on religion. I'm not sure how many and what kind of people you communicate with but I want to say I'm one of the more religious types. Pakistani Muslim just to confirm. I'm not gonna critique or anything, just thought you should know.

Now the thing is I'm a 19 year old teenage boy living in Pakistan. I'm here for the holidays; go abroad for studies. Thing is I'm pretty sexually driven. Well not really. I suppose its more accurate to say that I'm horny and I think about sex a lot
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I'm still a virgin. Haven't had sex yet. Mainly its my beliefs that hold me back. The fact that I'm shy around girls also plays a part I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I know girls and am friends with some. I just stop myself from trying to go to the next level.

With no sex I usually masturbate and watch porn. Both of them make me feel guilty. I'm trying to at least curb down on my porn habits because I think porn is something most of us should stay away from. Occassionally I've had cyber sex. Again with guilt. I keep relapsing into these things, its hard to control.

Anyways, hope this was informative and gives you some insight. Hope to hear from you soon.

Yours,
S

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Hello S,

I communicate with all sorts of people, and am happy to do so. With varying degrees of belief and disbelief.

Thanks so much for writing. You bring up some concerns that several men your age have emailed me in the past about. 

In fact I've done several posts about it too:




Perhaps those will be helpful to read. Now as you've made clear that you are a religious person, and it is mainly religion that guides you on these issues...with all due respect, I'd say in matters of health, sexual health one should consult something more current, like medical doctors and science always. I am obviously not very religious, as you might have noticed from my work. ;) I appreciate your concerns, and the fact that you have come to me for advice despite our differences in opinion on such things.

As you can see from your own experiences, sexual urges are pretty natural, and occur frequently for most people. This is how our species has evolved to be over millions of years, probably to ensure our continued existence. I'm no evolutionary scientist, but I'd guess that urge is inbuilt to keep us from dying out - and being around for so long has been great for us humans. We've been around long enough now that we have figured out how to stop most unwanted pregnancies in a non-invasive way, which is a huge win. We have also figured out how to reduce sexually transmitted diseases quite effectively. Sex has become a better, safer experience all round. One should always take advantage of the things we have come to learn. I know you said you are a virgin, but if and when you decide to have sex, remember to be safe and practical about it. Condoms are a good option, unless you or partner have allergies. (Plenty of other options in that case)

If you trust the condoms that scientific knowledge has made possible to protect from disease and unwanted pregnancy. Then it would also be a logical extension to trust what science has to say about masturbation also. And what it says is that it is perfectly normal and healthy. You can look it up, and read tons of articles on the matter. Just don't read articles from religious publications because they are not always honest about health effects of masturbation as many do consider it a sin. 

Excessive masturbation of course has its own issues, you can become desensitized, accustomed to one specific way and find it harder to ejaculate from contact with someone else. You can cause minor abrasions too. So I guess moderation is advisable....in all things. But certainly the effects I've read about on religious Pakistani sites where they say it makes you lose weight, become immoral, impregnate your hand, unable to handle real sex, shrinking penises, those are not real issues. I promise. There is no evidence for those things at all. I understand you are a person of faith, but please look to modern science for health. I cannot stress that enough. 

You are not 'relapsing' - you are just being a regular person. Most guys, especially when teenagers...have pretty high sex drives. Porn is sometimes (often) exploitative of women, but that is also not always the case. Guilt about that is perfectly understandable, but there are plenty of female pornstars who enjoy what they do. Seek them out, I guess. And that moderation thing is advisable here too. Excessive porn consumption is worrying yes...especially when you think it borders on compulsion/addiction, and gets in the way of your real life. So keep that in mind. Porn is also a very unrealistic depiction of human (especially female) sexuality. Not the best place to 'learn' about sex at all. 

I cannot of course, advise on the religious aspect of this. Is it a sin? I hear it is. Do I believe you'll go to hell? Nope. But that's because I don't think hell is real. And some all-knowing merciful god, will have bigger sins to look out for, no? Like maybe he's focusing on murderers and rapists (hopefully).

I have heard there are some schools of thought in Islam that think masturbation is permissible because it prevents you from *real* sins like premarital sex, or adultery. So, you might want to look into that for peace of mind. :) 

Hope this has been helpful!

-E 

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3 comments:

  1. I was religious once,ex-muslim atheist now.
    And yes,religion fucks your mind up-makes you feel guilty about things that you shouldn't really have to be guilty about.

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  2. Dude one i advice i can give u is to NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID WHICH CAN GEY U INTO REAL TROUBLE IN EXTREMIST STATE OF ALBAKISTAN.... u say u are here on holidays and will go back,,, hopefully where u return u can find someone understanding and willing and not an environment where people will kill you in the name of honor for just even talking to a girl....
    As a teenage boy, harmones are out of control so masturbate often to keep yourself in check.... i am 23 and i can easily masturbate 4-5 times a week so if you do it 7-8 times a week its perfectly normal and healthy... trust me no effect (Don't try to hard or enthusiastically though :P)...
    Dating in Pakistan is a very risky game and not quite awarding as the girl herself is too meek to try anything even if she wants, while hypocrisy at its best u never know when she might turn into a preacher or turn u in even for that matter...

    Watch porn kid... trust me its not going to turn you into a devil or anti-feminist or whatever... u will yourself start porn less when sex-drives starts wearing off... Just remember porn is probably not the best source of sex-ed or how real sex goes but a good alternative...
    ciao..

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  3. I have been doing blowjob from 6 years.... 3 time in a week on average now my dick didnot ge erection at all....what can I do for its solution

    ReplyDelete