Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Polite Conversations Podcast



Dear Readers,

Some of you may not follow me on Twitter (@nicemangos) and may have missed the recent drama with the first episode of my podcast with my wonderful co-host Paul (also of The Q Podcast) . Before we even had a chance to share the link of our YouTube Channel it was flagged for inappropriate content, severe and repeated violations of community standards, and the channel was disabled..before it even got a chance to live out an entire day. Truly baffling how our content was flagged before we even shared the link with anyone, but some people are clearly keeping an eye on who to hate and who to silence. Coincidentally many of those being silenced are ex-muslims....

Our first guest was the lovely...supposedly 'controversial' ex-muslim activist Maryam Namazie. And ironically a lot of our conversation centered around how people try to silence her time and time again. Luckily, as a backup plan we've uploaded the podcast to my soundcloud...while we figure out how to get back our account (which is not looking good) or to create another.

Either way, those who attempt to silence us, never achieve their goals, instead they end up bringing more attention to whatever it was they didn't want anyone to hear. We've had much more listens of the podcast in the past couple of days than we expected, retweets from Richard Dawkins, and plenty of support from people.  :) All thanks to our haters!

Listen to the banned podcast here, and share it! Especially on facebook, since thats another place I've been removed from.




Hopefully there will be many more episodes to come, just keep an eye on my blog/twitter to see where it ends up having a permanent home.

Cheers,
E

And a huge thanks to my Patrons who make all my various projects possible, please consider supporting my work via patreon here

Monday, December 21, 2015

Eid Ul-Christmas Mubarak! (A Step by Step Guide to Culturally Appropriating Christmas)





Between the religious Muslim fundies that say Christmas is haraam (forbidden), and the lunatic conspiratorial anti-muslim bigots who think Islam is coming to destroy them all and take over the world, like NOW.... there is only a tiny slice of rationality...


So brave...standing up in the face of such persecution.



Below is a work of satire, not an actual event or suggestion...but in my mind, it is kind of funny...a place where the anti-christmas muslim bigots cross paths with the anti-muslim, fox-news-lovin', christmas-is-all-about-JESUS type bigots. A place where the islamophobia-shriekers and cultural appropriation accusers meet those who similarly, are terrified of Western civilization being destroyed (appropriated) by creeping Shariah and evil Mozlem immigrants. ZOMG... outraged that Christmas is being removed from their coffee cups :O , persecuted by others who dare to say "Happy Holidays"...

Two sides of the same coin...how best can I piss them both off?

---

FOX News Reporter: A disturbing plan unfolds as a secret document is found inside a mosque. A Mozlem plan to take over Christmas.

******

Announcement in the name of Allah: We are sick and tired of Westerners with loose morals influencing our children, and imposing their drunken orgy holidays upon us. We are sick and tired of 'Christmas cheer', and we've simply had enough of them culturally appropriating things that belong to *US*. They eat our food, and wear our clothes, our jewellery - and they have the audacity to enjoy it!

Hands off our Shawarmas! (pic from www.chabadofbinghamton.com)

They have claimed the beautiful tradition of Henna. Well, we've had enough, and it's time to fight back.



A call to Muslims to take over Christmas.

Let's culturally appropriate that shit. Lets take it and celebrate the crap out of it. Let's make it *our* holiday.

*****

Fox News Reporter: As you can see they are planning a sinister takeover, destroying traditional American values, taking Christ out of Christ-mas. We always knew this day would come, Fox news has declared a red alert. We'll be watching this situation around the clock. It's important to remain calm in the face of this attack on traditional Christian Values. The key now is to strategize how to take Christmas back from the Mozlems. Follow us as we take you behind the veil of Islam's war on Christmas. [Cue Arabic music, prayer call] 

Our on-the-scene reporter is joining us to read this document in full:



"Here are some simple steps you brothers and sisters can take to insure victory is ours, Inshallah.

pic from: comingoffaith.com


1) Re-name Christmas: From this day forth we will be referring to it as Eid Ul-Christmas. It will now be the third Eid. We will take every opportunity to mention this in the face of prostitute-loving westerners, that WE celebrate it now....and we call it Eid. That should terrify them....how's that for muslim immigrant assimilation?

from pinterest.com

2) Make sure you get a huge Eid-Ul-Christmas tree, to get into the spirit...if you can acquire a date palm instead of an immoral Western tree...more points for you. But if your location doesn't allow for date palms, Western trees are acceptable. And do remember to put a crescent and star on top.

If you have a fake tree - no need to worry about this, but if a real tree is being cut down, be sure to make it a halal tree by reciting the proper 'secret Muslim chants' beforehand.

from www.wnd.com

3) Decorate your tree with only islamic ornaments.

Soon we will flood the market with halal ornaments, we just have to show there is demand for them. Fun craft idea...you can make little hijabis and niqabis out of ordinary round ornaments...just drape a piece of cloth around it and paint on a face...or cut two eye holes and drape the entire thing in black cloth. Set a good example for your daughters...by at least crafting a few 'modest' ornaments with them. It will be a great way of showing them we cover our most prized possessions...that way they'll ask less questions when eventually u tell give them the choice of covering their heads/faces.

from zazzle.com

from zazzle.com



4) Make sure you get one of our first edition "Hadeeth Wreaths" (forgive the shoddy design, i did these in a hurry) for your front door. Where upon entering and departing your home, you will always be reminded of the exemplary life/words of our beloved you-know-who.

click to enlarge

click to enlarge


6) Snowglobes? Heck no, we've got mosque globes, some even with gold glitter instead of snow... because WE get sandstorms on our blessed parts of Allah's earth.

from: theislamicestablishment.com (what a name)

from pinterest.com


from: burkalapak.com


7) Holly? Mistletoe? Fuck that.....we use dates and we gots plenty of cameltoe. We are appropriating the fuck out of this holiday.

from Zeinafoods.com


8) Nativity scenes: we may have to concede this one to the Christians, because fuck, we aren't allowed to depict our prophet...or any living thing really.

"It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Those who make images will be punished on the Day of Resurrection, and it will be said to them: ‘Bring to life that which you have created.’”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5607) and Muslim (2108). "

9) Make sure Eid-ul-Christmas gifts are acceptable by Islamic standards. No dolls with faces, because  remember, only allah is allowed to depict the living. Try "Aisha Dolls" for faceless dolls named after the prophet's child bride. Or the the aptly named, hijab-wearing Muslim Deeni Dolls!


As Pakistani paper Dawn News reports:

The ‘Deeni Doll’ is adorned with a traditional hijab headdress and does not have eyes, a nose, mouth or other facial features, complying with Islamic law regarding representation of the human form.
The doll, created by Ridhwana B, a Lancashire school teacher, is manufactured in China and is being sold for £25.
Ridhwana told the Lancashire Telegraph: ‘I came up with the idea from scratch after speaking to some parents who were a little concerned about dolls with facial features.’
She continued: ‘Some parents won’t leave the doll with their children at night because you are not allowed to have any eyes in the room.’
Relax, your kid's eyes are created by Allah, and therefore acceptable..

Naturally, any good Muslim parents would be concerned about dolls who have 'faces'...it's borderline idolatry. I mean, what if your children start worshipping their dolls?! It is a very real concern.

Also remember - No immodest clothing for girls/women. In fact giving headscarves and bags burqas is recommended. If you're a good muslim mother, you will naturally know your way around sewing (cooking, cleaning), etc - this provides you with the opportunity to add a personal touch to your daughter's Eid-ul-Christmas hijab, you can embroider empowering captions such as "My hijab/niqab is a feminist statement" or "My hijab, My choice".

Restrictions on men's clothing gifts are much fewer of course.

10) Apostate crackers are going to be a huge hit this holiday season. Depictions of apostates who have turned their back on allah...the crackers split at their necks and the apostates lose their heads, as is commanded, of course. No harm in putting a little fun twist on shariah punishments.



Now we're really getting into the holiday spirit!

11) Acceptable ways of greeting each other include "Eid-ul-Christmas Mubarak"/ "Halal Holidays" not this "Merry Christmas" shit. I feel like a dirty infidel, just thinking about that phrase.

Card image from Zazzle.com, type mine


12) Tell your kids that the reindeer thing is utter bull. There are camels guiding Santa Bin Claus' magic carpet/camel train. We're going to take this myth and Islamize it for our children. #CreepingShariah #FuckYeah

"Rashid the red-nosed Camel, had a very shiny nose!"

From buzzfeed.com


----

We're taking your holiday Robert Spencer! Eid-Ul-Christmas Mubarak. May you have Halal Holidays!"

****

FOX News Reporter: Well there it is, in black and white....a detailed attack on the very heart of Western civilization. Don't say we didn't warn you. Stay with us ...as an expert on 'Muslim holiday traditions' joins us next to give us some insight on the situation....

----------------------


Thank you to my lovely Patrons, your support keeps the blog and my other projects going! 

Please consider supporting the blog here



Friday, December 4, 2015

Interview with an Ex-Sikh


When speaking with those of South Asian origin...I'm always reminded of how divided we are as a people, how many different types of divisions there are and how tribalism plays a huge role in those divisions....how brutal and bloody our histories have been. Sikh vs. Muslim vs. Hindu  - there is so much hate among these groups :(  I long for people to drop that baggage and just bond sometimes. When speaking with Indian apologists I am quickly reminded that I am a lowly Pakistani... Muslim scum. When speaking with Pakistani apologists I'm soon accused of being an Indian agent or closet Hindu working to soil the reputation of Pakistan. If only the masses could see that humanity comes first....not self-made divisions of caste, religion, nationality, etc.

Occasionally, I do come across people who have the same ancestral land as me, who have dropped these things and see us as one big human tribe. Nothing makes me happier...evidence that we can come from such a fragmented background and transcend that to discuss things openly, honestly. Critiquing our own groups is necessary for progress (Rarely in another context will you see a Muslim being open with a Sikh about flaws, and a Sikh being open with a Muslim about flaws...but perhaps because we shed those affiliations and are 'ex' versions, it becomes a bit easier).

Many are unable to admit fault with their own culture, religion of birth, community. Those that are able are my heroes, to be quite honest. They are the ones bringing betterment.

I've come across a few ex-Sikhs on social media and it's refreshing to see people leaving faiths you rarely hear of people leaving. We meet on the other side of this division as companions in humanity.

I always say that mainstream critics of religion have focused a lot on Abrahamic faith, which is great because it is deeply flawed and manifests in the most troubling ways. It's good to focus on larger problems, but sometimes other superstitions/harmful beliefs get left behind and aren't dissected in the same way. I think it's important to discuss them all...not draw equivalences (so unclench, please)....rather, just not give any belief system a pass.

I have heard from ex-Sikh atheists in the past that they feel a little left out when their religion of birth is missing from mainstream critique of religion. The issues they want to bring awareness to are not given much importance on a global scale. I've heard this from ex-Jains too. If we're truly going to move ahead as a whole, we need to a) of course highlight the more problematic beliefs and b) not leave other beliefs entirely out of the conversation either. Two pronged dismantling of religion everywhere. 

So before anyone "but what about Islam's" me, please take a look through my hundreds of posts before this one, or just glance at my Twitter feed.

***

Male, UK

Were you born into a religious household? 

I was, yes. My parents are both fairly devout with my father probably having clocked up many 
tens of thousands of hours of meditation. They weren’t uber-dogmatists that indoctrinated me 
ad nauseam but they did indoctrinate (through no fault of their own) a set of ideas that blurred 
my outlook. It’s only when I started questioning my former faith that things started focussing. I 
had a relatively open environment in which to think. I wasn’t forced to attend school at the 
Gurdwara but we did go there every Sunday. I just read and studied about Sikhism as I went 
along, to be fair. I had kept Kesh (uncut hair) until I was ten but that was a huge deal for my Dad. He didn’t speak to me for a few months because I cut my hair. It was unfortunate but it’s something I 
wanted to do because I didn’t feel happy having long hair. My dad prohibited me from doing so and 
in the end, I rebelled. Still, I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, the household has become a 
tad more tolerant and accepting but there’s still a long way to go.

You didn't feel happy having uncut hair, can you describe why? 

I think it may have been something to do with being raised in a country where most people do in 
fact cut their hair. I did stand out. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing that I did, but I personally didn’t 
like the idea of having Kesh and not being able to do things like spike my hair with gel. I thought that 
having the “guti” (see below) didn’t make me look very attractive. These were feelings I had, I suppose.

Guti (Image from Wikipedia)


And what was the pressure like to keep it? As a child did you feel isolated or different from others because of it?

The pressure was fairly intense from my father but my mum was much more open about it. My dad 
would just get angry every time I brought the issue up. Once physically hitting me after I dared to ask him in front of a family member. I cried at that point. It just felt like I was trapped. I had to keep my hair because I was a Sikh and I had to stick with my identity. 

To do otherwise would be to dishonour my dad and go against the Panth. 
(I googled what this means so forgive me if i'm wrong - Guru's Path?) 

I still did all of the regular things that a young kid did but I would often get teased at school about having a guti, once being laughed at and teased repeatedly when it came undone after I headed a ball during a football game. Stuff like that really got to me, when younger. This wasn’t an isolated incident and there’s only so much teasing I could take. I felt different because of this and as if I couldn’t be “normal”. This eventually pushed me to cut my hair and I’m thankful that I finally had the courage to do so at the age of ten.

(I am happy you did too...that's heartbreaking and I can only imagine how tough it was as a child. Kids can be so cruel to other kids. :( Being forced to dress or look a certain way especially in childhood must be traumatic. I have a relative who's 8 year old daughter wears a hijab, but when her parents aren't around she is happy to take it off, indicating this is not something she herself feels comfortable with. It's very upsetting for me to think about how she must feel wearing something that separates her so obviously from her classmates. Apart from that, hijabs  on kids especially...have a sinister sexualization aspect too. Anyhow, I'm glad you got to change something that wasn't working for you.)

How did your belief in the faith fade?

It’s interesting because my belief in the faith actually kind of faded a bit at a fairly young age 
(ten, I think). I was still young so that didn’t stop me from going to the Gurdwara, reciting 
prayers and reading about Sikhism. Thusly, my belief returned, once more. My faith completely 
faded as soon as I started being exposed to theological debates and actively listened to the 
arguments on both sides. Bill Maher’s “Religulous” had a notable impact on my thoughts on this 
subject. I further engaged with the works of Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris. These two 
individuals, I might add, have probably had the most impact on the way I think. In essence, 
being exposed to so much rational critique of faith was a very new thing to me. It wasn’t 
comfortable having to recognise that my parents had misguidedly indoctrinated me with a belief 
system that asserted that it had the Truth. It took me a while to overcome the indoctrination 
and it was only time that allowed me to free myself from the hold of indoctrination. Most 
people underestimate how impactful and devastating certain forms of indoctrination can be. I, 
thankfully, didn’t have it anywhere near as bad as some of the cases I hear about. I managed to 
get over it within a year or so but it goes to serve as a reminder that “fade” is indeed the correct 
way to describe my change in belief. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to think bloody hard 
about it but through a process of comprehending arguments and being exposed to scientific 
modes of thought, I couldn’t cling to my former faith.

Are you an atheist? 

If by “atheist” you mean “having an absence of a belief in a creator deity or deities”, then yes, I 
am an atheist. 

What aspects of Sikhism did you find to be the most problematic? 

It has to be the idea of a “God”. For those that don’t know, Sikhism’s concept of God is quite 
different in that it is not anthropomorphic. It’s centred on the idea of oneness and is an 
indescribable being. My main beef is the practice of Naam Simran which comprises of 
continuous meditation on Waheguru’s name. It’s only by doing this that one can reach higher 
spiritual states and can cleanse one’s self of the five thieves (lust, rage, greed, attachment and 
conceit). I find this belief to be harmful because whilst mindfulness can do a lot to improve 
one’s mental state, it tells one very little about how these “thieves” emerge. I feel it puts one on 
the wrong path and also instils this idea that God is necessary in one’s life. It’s very patronising 
and ultimately based on superstition. This may not seem that problematic but on a behavioural 
level, I really think it is.

I speak to several non believers, who come from different faith backgrounds. Something I hear 
more and more frequently, is the fact that many disbelievers from non Abrahamic faith 
backgrounds feel left out because most prominent critics of religion dismiss Non Abrahamic religions as 'less problematic', so they are rarely discussed. I have heard from several people who feel they miss out on having a strong critique developed around their faith - do you feel this way? 

I guess I do feel a tad left out. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sikhism being debated by atheists in a 
public forum. But I don’t feel like I’m lacking allies. So long as you support secularism and human 
rights, you’re my ally as far as I’m concerned.  I guess it would be more comforting to know that 
more people have travelled down the same path as me and thus know how to argue their way 
around Sikhism, but not many have. So I had to develop my own critique and refine my own 
ways of understanding the faith. By its composition, Sikhism is a bit of an atypical faith as it 
doesn’t call for death for homosexuality, apostasy etc and is actually fairly egalitarian when it 
comes to gender equality. It’s not that easy to argue against its ideas producing demonstrably 
bad outcomes to the extent that you can with the Abrahamic faiths. That’s where I started to 
think about just the mode of discourse and set of assumptions one has to bring to the table 
when looking at discussing Sikhism. It’s profoundly anti-scientific and makes a virtue of 
epistemologically unverifiable statements. Not the best terrain to travel on when trying to verify 
hypotheses.

Islam is causing the most problems and violence in the world today, this is undeniable - but do you think because of this other religions get a pass? (I get frustrated that many people seem to use violent jihadists as a yardstick... so it appears, we can't criticize other forms of religious bigotry, because I always hear "but its not as bad as Islam", and yes I know it's not...but I would like to criticize all kinds of religious bigotry, including that within Islamic doctrine.) 

A lot of people engage in what is known as the fallacy of relative privation. That even if there are 
pernicious beliefs, they don’t deserve any attention because Islamic doctrine is having the most 
impact. However, a lot of people fall into the trap of overlooking the ills that Islamic doctrine 
can produce so we should avoid that, too. But yes, one should be able to challenge all religious 
bigotry without having to ostentatiously re-assert one’s anti-Islamism.

Have you heard of Casteism in the Sikh community? What are your experiences with it?

Of course. It’s a big issue when it comes to marriage and community. Around even the UK you’ll 
see caste-specific Gurdwaras. I’m sure that anybody would be allowed but separating Sikhs into 
castes does not do a lot for cohesion. The same applies to relationships. Most (speaking from 
experience) Sikh people of my generation have been taught to have, at least as a preference, a 
partner, whom they wish to be with, of the same caste and religion. My own experiences 
involve being told this very thing and also just noticing it in discourse with a lot of Sikhs. It runs 
counter to their egalitarian faith so I’m unsure why they still practice the caste system in the 
vast numbers they do. Definitely more of a cultural problem, to be honest, that rigorously 
persists.

Do you think gender discrimination is a big problem in the Sikh community/doctrine? 

Not doctrine, to be honest. It’s pretty strong in advocacy of equality of the sexes. Community, 
more so. Once again, this is more down to cultural factors and patriarchal norms within India. 
You end up having an egalitarian faith being practiced by some intensely misogynistic people. Is 
it a huge problem? Not ostensibly so. But I have seen instances where it’s entirely okay for a 
man to sleep around before marriage but if a woman does the same, her parents’ izzat (honour) has been deprived. Or even little things like girls not having as much freedom in going out with friends like a boy does. There are some small-scale beliefs that end up having very discriminatory 
consequences. #DoubleStandards

So as you might know from Twitter, I oppose Niqab vehemently because I feel it imposes on 
others and demands a privilege (constant anonymity) that no one else gets. I see the Kirpan (ceremonial dagger) as a comparable issue, not because its oppressive but because it demands a privilege (carrying a weapon, yes even if blunt) that others don't get, in public situations. I've heard of kids being granted this in school, and while not common, I have heard of cases where its been used to threaten or harm. What are your thoughts on this? 

I oppose the Niqab as a form of acceptable dress in the 21st century but I wouldn’t go so far as to 
ban it, for example. I do think there should be exceptions, though. Like, for example, a bank or a 
school or an airport. Things like that, I think, do require identification. Which isn’t possible with 
a Niqab. 

(To clarify, I don't favour a blanket ban on Niqabs either, but in government spaces, courtrooms, banks and schools, etc. -  I'm definitely in favour of not permitting them.)

But with respect to the Kirpan, I entirely agree. Sikhs, just because they’re Sikh, 
shouldn’t be allowed to carry an actual dagger, capable of actual damage. If Sikhs wish to be 
able to hold a ceremonial dagger that is blunted and of no use as a viable weapon, then I’m okay 
with that. We can’t make exceptions because a religious belief says so. They have to be made 
compatible with liberal democracy and one rule for all.

Couldn't agree more. One rule for all. 

I've grown up around South Asians of all backgrounds, Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims...and I see so much bigotry within the South Asian community, everyone is pointing fingers at one another....a lot of propaganda fed to the kids to create divisions. And it exists across the board, have you seen any examples of this personally? 

For sure! I’m reminded by one incident where I was at my auntie’s house and talking to my 10-
year old cousin. For some reason, the topic stumbled onto Muslims and my cousin said that her 
mum had told her not to become friends with Muslims because “they” had killed many Gurus. 
She, when I asked what she was talking about, proceeded to show me a video which has a reel 
of depictions of the killings which involved beheading, boiling people alive and cutting the ears 
of babies. Pretty intense stuff! But basically, her mum had clearly shown her this material in the 
hope to create an us vs them mentality in my cousin which may have bloody done the trick! 
Regardless, bigotry is ubiquitous and so is superstition. It’s not a nice brew we have in South 
Asian communities (generally speaking). 

How is the Sikh community in terms of sexuality and sex positivity? Is homophobia a problem? 
Pre-marital sex? 

I don’t think there’s one definitive answer to the first part of your question. There is a spectrum 
of indifference from very to totally not. For a lot of Sikhs, when it comes to the daughter, her 
honour has to be protected at all times. Her having sex and seeing it as healthy, outside the 
confines of marriage, is often an unbearable idea for many. Guys generally have a free pass but 
that doesn’t mean I didn’t have to hide many of my own youthful adventures, from my parents. 
Homophobia is definitely a wide-spread problem. It’s ingrained, especially, in a lot of immigrants 
from Punjab who have then passed on those homophobic beliefs to their children. It’s generally 
a not-talked-about thing but I am happy to see the emergence of LGBT Sikh groups and also, this 
video is super helpful for getting the message across, in Punjabi: 


Sikhism itself, though, is innately homophobic. For one, all marriages have to be between a man 
and a woman (according to the Rehat Maryada) and you can only engage in sexual intercourse 
when married. So if you’re a homosexual, you’re not supposed to fuck. That’s rather a shame. 
Hopefully the Sikh code of conduct gets updated and reformed, though.

What are your thoughts on the fact that some Sikhs have been victims of anti-Muslim bigotry, 
even violent attacks? 

My thoughts would be that ignorance really isn’t bliss. Given access to information, it shouldn’t 
be that hard to distinguish between Sikhs and Muslims. The beard and turban are quite 
different! Not that that’s an excuse for the bigotry as it’s uncalled for, in any case. I think it’s 
unfortunate that some people still operate is such simple terms.

Thoughts on anti-Muslim bigotry in general? 

I think that when words like “Islamophobia” get used over and over, it cheapens the phenomenon of 
anti-Muslim bigotry because people end up thinking that Muslims just want to play the victim. I 
think it is a real thing (anti-Muslim bigotry, that is) and it has to be tackled else we’re going to find it much harder getting through to the secularists and those in favour of human rights within Muslim 
communities.

So much yes to what you just said, the shrieks of islamophobia for every criticism of ideology do nothing but muddy the water, and make actual bigotry harder to spot. 

***

Shout out to my wonderful interviewee...thanks so much for chatting with me about this! The video you shared is so cute, and much needed for people to hear someone of the older generation explain in relatable terms how and why not to discriminate! 

***

Share your thoughts comments below! Other ex-Sikhs please feel free to add to the conversation below, I'd love to hear from you xx

Thank you to my lovely Patrons as well, your support keeps the blog and my other projects going! 

Please consider supporting the blog here

Monday, November 23, 2015

Interview with a 'non-offending Pedophile'

Warning: This post contains conversation that may be upsetting to some readers. 


So a few months ago, somehow…I forget the exact conversation. But I was approached on Twitter by some real, actual pedophiles who took objection to me ‘generalizing' pedophiles as bad people, or as molesters. I know, I know…my reaction was WTF, like yours. In my online interactions with people I have also been told not to generalize Nazis or white supremacists as bad people either. But anyway, I digress...

Some pedophiles apparently, despite feeling attraction are 'non-offending'…and do not molest children. Or this is the claim at least. Somehow, despite there being no intent to commit a sexual crime, I am not comforted. 

There is some real dark shit on Twitter.

***

When the initial sick feeling that came with seeing (virtually) a person even identify themselves as a pedophile died down….I tried to wrap my head around the logic. And decided to engage in an email conversation with one of the self-identified *non-offending* pedophiles. 

As someone who has campaigned long and hard against childhood sexual abuse in Pakistan, as someone who has suffered through some form of it myself…this is not a subject I take lightly. But as a victim, of even mild pedophilia…I felt I owed it to myself to understand the mentality of someone attracted to a child better. To answer my lifelong questions of "why?" And especially if someone says that despite being attracted, they refrain from acting on their sexual desires…what does this mean? How can we trust this to be true? If people like this were provided with more support could we protect our children better? These were questions I needed answered. 

As an initial reaction, it hurts me to even think about any sort of support being given to someone that has such a predatory attraction. But treating those that have never acted upon their pedophilic desires as pariahs or human garbage seems to be counterproductive from an intellectual and safety perspective. If they already acknowledge their desires as wrong, shouldn’t we be helping them keep those desires in check, rather than push them further underground where if they feel like they have little support they may give in? I don’t know what the answers to these complicated questions are, and my blood pressure rises just thinking about it. 

This has not been an easy post for me to write. I have attempted several times in the past few months, and just been unable to follow through. 

Some part of me feels pity for those who recognize it as a horrendous desire, but can’t help having it. A large part of me feels blind rage, and I don’t care that they haven’t willingly chosen this desire. While my mind wants to figure out how to best control this problem or best address it, my heart wants nothing to do with this part of the human population. I face that struggle constantly throughout this interview. The interviewee was cordial and polite, but I had to make a conscious effort to not be rude. I had to keep reminding myself that this person had not committed a crime or harmed any children and did not intend to harm any either (or at least thats what I was told). It was so hard to keep that in mind because once someone admits an attraction to children, they are automatically abhorrent to me. Anyway, here is our conversation: 

Jerry, 20, Denmark

(Irrelevant parts of the conversation have been edited out for better flow)  
(The writing in grey is my commentary, not part of the interview)

Him:  I can understand that it's a bit difficult to talk to pedophiles, but it's
great you are! :-)

Would you like my AoA (Age of Attraction)? Because there's quite a
big difference between being attracted to 12 year olds and 4 year olds for
example

Me: Yes, tell me the AoA, and I cringe, as i write that. But I need to know so I can better understand and formulate questions. Where are you from? How old are you?

Him: I'm from Denmark. My age is around 20, I rather not be too specific about my age.
Hehe, I often get that people feel sick talking to me, and I don't blame
them.

AoA is:
Boys: 4-12(ish) I can be attracted to 3 year olds or 13, but generally 4-12
Girls: 4-10(ish)

At this point I’m ready to punch a wall, and stop communicating with this guy. But I keep reminding myself, that I owe it to myself to try and understand this. So I take a few days, calm myself and continue the conversation.

Me: Hi,

So I have quite a few questions, and don't know where to start really. I am trying to work through conflicted feelings of speaking to you generally. I want to understand, but as you mentioned earlier, you get the sense that people feel sick speaking to you. I am feeling that way myself....especially since hearing the AoA...because that makes it real. 

I keep telling myself its important to speak to you, because shutting off a person who recognizes that this desire is unethical, immoral is not productive. Especially if you want to reach out in general, to find support and help for controlling or suppressing your attraction....I feel that society needs to provide that support, so we may protect our children better. We truly could cause further issues by ignoring/shunning the people who want to be helped. 

Him:

Hey,

Yeah, I tend to not mention my AoA that quickly, but since you had to
prepare your questions I felt it would be helpful. Normally I would just
hold off telling people, because people don't tend to think that a
pedophile is attracted to 4 year olds, but rather to 12 year olds.

"a person who recognizes that this desire is unethical, immoral"
I wouldn't say that my desire is immoral, but rather "acting" sexually on
my desire is immoral, and incredibly harmful.

Yeah, ignoring pedophiles and just generally making them feel worse about
themselves, does make them more likely to molest children, which is why we
don't ignore this important issue

——

Me: You identify as a 'non-offending pedophile'. And just typing that word gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. But I've also spoken to some people  who say there is no such thing as a 'non-offending' pedophile. 

What do you say to this? How can people like you ensure the rest of us that you are motivated to stay 'non-offending’? 

Him: I think it's obvious that there are "non-offending" pedophiles.
Imagine, if you were unable to have a sexual relationship with anyone
without it hurting that person, would you end up raping people?
Of course you wouldn't, it's the same for me, I believe that children
can't consent, so having a sexual relationship with a child would be
raping the child.

You can also think more mathematically about it I guess: it's estimated
that 1-10% of the population are pedophiles, imagine if everyone of those
offended.

Me: When did you discover or realize you had an attraction to children? 

Him: I know I was attracted to children when I was 10, but I didn't realize it
until I was about 13 years old. I believe I was born a pedophile, that my
brain is "hard-wired" to be a pedophile. (James Cantor's research suggests
that the brain is hard-wired to be sexually attracted to children)

Me: Do you remember an event or situation that made you recognize this? 

Him: What made me realize that I was a pedophile was that all the other boys I
knew were talking more and more about adult women and their "nice mangos"
but I didn't, and still don't see what's attractive about boobs. So it was
a kinda slow realization, but when I was certain that I was a pedophile, I
didn't feel that great about myself. I searched for help on the internet
but struggled to find any real help.

Me: Have you had an official diagnosis? Have you spoken to a medical professional about this? 

Him: I haven't had an official diagnosis, and I haven't talked to a medical
professional about my pedophilia either. This is mostly because of
mandated reporting, basically, if someone comes to a medical professional
and says they are attracted to children, the professional has to report it
to the police. If they don't, they have to hope the pedophile doesn't abuse
a child, or risk losing their job. So I would always advise not to seek any
help until there's actual (safe) help for pedophiles.

Me: Do you live with your parents? Does your family know about this? 

Him: I live with my parents most of the time, they do not know I'm a pedophile,
no.

Me: Do you have any non-pedophile friends that you have felt comfortable sharing this information with? 

Him: I haven't told any "non-pedophile" friends about my pedophilia, I've only
told people about my pedophilia anonymously, although I would love to
"come out of the closet" or as some say "come out of the toy box”

Again resisting the urge to vomit and stop all communication with this person. These light hearted colloquialisms are the hardest for me to get past.  

Me: Is there a community of non-offending pedophiles where you live? 

Him: There isn't a community, although I have thought about creating a
online community for non-offending pedophiles in my country.
There are some support groups online.

Me: What methods do you use to keep your desires under check. 

Him: I don't have any methods, just because I'm a pedophile doesn't mean I
don't have self control, I have just as much self control as most people.

Me: Do you stay away from children? 

Him: I used to stay away from children, but recently I've gotten more confident
in myself, so I don't actively try and stay away from children, and I
don't actively try and be around children.

Me: Do you work? What do you do? 

Him: I work in a supermarket.

Me: Are you religious? 

Him: I would say I'm an atheist, was however born in a very religious family. I
personally think very negatively of religions (Don't mean religious
people, but religions).

Me: Are you also attracted to adults? Have you been in a relationship with an adult? 

Him: I'm not attracted to adults, no. I'm an exclusive pedophile, although many
non-exclusive pedophiles have relationships with adults, and some even
have children (who they never abuse)

I don’t really buy this at all. 

Me: How is it to possess a characteristic you recognize is repulsive and immoral? That cannot be easy, to live with that truth every day. Do you have someone to talk to about this? This must cause some kind of depression or self-loathing. 

Him: As said earlier I wouldn't say my attractions are immoral, but rather that "acting" sexually on my attractions is. It's quite... hard sometimes, especially if you put yourself in a position that I am, I get many threats, hate etc.

In the beginning it took a while to accept my feelings, but it got easier for me (with help from a few non-offending pedophiles) I still have some bad days, but those are mostly because of how society treats us, not because of my attractions.

I can't change my attractions, and I'm not even sure if I would want to if I could, because... my love for children isn't purely sexual, it's loving and emotional as well a sexual love. I want children to be happy. When I see a child that's crying, I actually feel sad for that child, and the same for when I see a child that's happy, I feel happy for that child.

No…just no. 

Me: Do you have an active social life?

Him: I do have a active social life, got a couple of friends, and such, but none of them know that I'm a pedophile.

Me: Do you have a good relationship with your family? 

Him: I have quite good relationships with my family, but I generally don't care about them, I often think about what they would think about me if they knew who I was. I am kinda forced to live as someone who I'm not, lying about my opinions and such, because I can't reveal that I'm a pedophile.

Me: Have you ever been a victim of childhood sexual abuse? 

Him: Yes, I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse.

I can’t understand how someone could have gone through that themselves and still harbour desires that would put other children in the same position if acted on. 

Me: What has motivated you to speak out about your situation on the internet, on Twitter? What is your end goal? 

Him: What has motivated me is the hope that change is possible, that mainstream acceptance of pedophilia is possible, and I want to help make that a reality.

If you don't accept me, then at least accept the children who're going through this right now, realizing that they're pedophiles and having no one to turn to, no one to guide them through life as a pedophile. I naturally care very much about children, so please at least accept them.

So my end goal would be that pedophiles can come out as pedophiles and not fearing for their life, that pedophilia doesn't get confused with child molestation and that children don't have to suffer, simply because they were born with a sexual attraction towards children, in short: acceptance.

Me: How can you feel sexual attraction for someone who doesn't even understand what that is, Who doesn't have the maturity to reciprocate?

Him: How I can feel sexual attraction for someone who doesn't understand what it is...that's a hard question.

I think the way to see it is that ones sexuality/orientation/attractions (I frankly don't think it matters what it's called) doesn't have anything to do with if that person is mature, or able to consent.

I'm attracted to their bodies, the way they move, often their voice too. I'm also attracted to their childish personalities. So you could say it's exactly that that's attractive, their immaturity, their childish bodies, voice, personality etc.

If you dress a girl in really sexualized clothes, and lipsticks and just make her look really sexualized, I probably won't find that attractive. I call children cute most of the time, because I don't think sexy fits in with what I find attractive.

Thank you for actually being willing to listen, even though this is a very hard subject.

I can’t deal with this. It’s been one of the hardest posts I’ve ever written. 

This description is the kind of thing that is just vile, I don’t even care if he has not offended…because just having these thoughts are possibly dangerous to the most innocent amongst us. I could not ‘accept’ a person that has these types of thoughts. I would want them to have support so they can control or suppress better, but I could never trust them to not offend. I could not socialize with or respect them, and I realize that people are not able to control who or what they are attracted to. But I can’t accept a person who thinks about the defenceless in a sexual manner. Acceptance is not a realistic goal in my opinion, better support may be however. 

——

After dealing with the first round of responses, I decided to do a follow up interview, send some comments. Because I simply couldn’t leave it at that.

Me: Hi here are some follow up questions/comments:

"I wouldn't say that my desire is immoral, but rather "acting" sexually on
my desire is immoral, and incredibly harmful." -

I would have to disagree here because its the very thought of sex with someone so young who can't consent that makes it immoral... in my opinion, its like having fantasies about raping, but not actually acting on them. Which is better than acting on them, yes, of course..because no one in the real world is harmed. But the thought itself is incredibly disturbing...if I found out someone constantly fantasized about raping people, but didn't act on it, I would still be repulsed. But yes, it is not comparable to someone who would act on them. The ones who act deserve to be locked away from society where they can no longer cause harm. 

"I believe that children can't consent, so having a sexual relationship with a child would be raping the child."

I am relieved to know we agree about this. But what disturbs me immensely, and what I can't get over, is that you basically have a *desire* to rape children, you just hold back on it. Again my heart sinks as I type this. 

How are we to trust that non-offending pedophiles will remain non offending? Do you have any ideas or thoughts about this? On how society can not isolate them, and what ways better support could be provided to keep our children safer? 

"I can't change my attractions, and I'm not even sure I would want to if I could"

The above statement baffles me, because wouldn't you want to have attractions to people with whom you can have meaningful, legal, reciprocal and moral sexual relationships? Why wouldn't you want to experience that? As it stands right now, you are destined for a sexually unfulfilled life, right? That sounds pretty lonely. 

"I searched for help on the internet but struggled to find any real help."

I am sorry that this is the case, and that society has failed in this way. Do you have any recommendations, after having gone through this yourself in how society can provide help to those battling such conflicting feelings ? What can be done? 

Do you have any children in your extended family, or friends that you are in regular contact with? 

Is it hard to hide this aspect of who you are from your family/friends? Do you think your parents might try to get you help or react negatively? 

"I would say I'm an atheist, was however born in a very religious family. I
personally think very negatively of religions (Don't mean religious
people, but religions)." 

And because I know what religious apologists would say to this, I'm going to ask, do you think your atheism has influenced you in any way to think about things that are unethical such as being attracted to children? Their argument often is that religion serves as a moral guide, take it away and you're left with immoral beings. I disagree with that, of course. Being an atheist, one obviously does not lose the ability to experience what is moral or ethical and what isn't.  

Do you think if you were religious, your behaviour or thoughts might be different? 

In Islam, some people justify child marriage because it is said that the age of maturity is when one hits puberty. For some girls this could be as low as 8 - what are your thoughts on this? It is also said that Mohammed married a 6 year old, and consummated marriage at 9. The common excuses for this are that 'it was a different time' - but he was supposed to be a perfect example of morality for all times. - What are your thoughts on this?

Similarly in Catholicism we see that the Vatican tried to excuse away or cover up many incidents of children being molested by priests - Why do you think this happens in religion, time and time again.  

What turned you away from religion? Is your family still religious? 

"I still have some bad days, but those are mostly because of how society treats us"

But how can you blame people for feeling repulsed at the people who appear to be a threat to their children? You realize that its almost impossible for someone to know you are a non offending pedophile and also feel secure that you will not harm their children?

"I do have a active social life, got a couple of friends, and such, but none of them know that I'm a pedophile." 

What happens when everyone talks about dating, sex, crushes etc? Do you avoid such conversations? 

Have you been in a situation where someone your own age has flirted with you? If so, how have you responded? 

"So my end goal would be that pedophiles can come out as pedophiles and not fearing for their life, that pedophilia doesn't get confused with child molestation and that children don't have to suffer, simply because they were born with a sexual attraction towards children, in short: acceptance."

I can see what you're saying, its important to provide help to those who need it, otherwise we endanger children even more. And certainly, no one should have to live fearing for their life. Justice should be left up to the law and due process, not mobs or civilians. But its so hard for me to be ok with the fact that pedophiles should be 'accepted' for who they are, because the very essence of who they are is a threat to innocent children. So personally, 'acceptance' is a strong word, but openness to helping those who express a desire to not act on this should increase. 

I hear some people trying to describe pedophilia as an orientation. And in the past some pedophile organizations have tried to get people to 'accept' this as they now accept homosexuality. That angers me. Tremendously, because there is one major difference. And that is the presence of *consenting* *adults*. Every sexual situation should involve consenting adults. Trying to pass it off as just 'another orientation' does a disservice to those who have been wrongfully oppressed, maligned and misrepresented by society...just because they feel an attraction to the same sex. 

Even if I accept that this is how you are wired, through no fault of your own. That this is your 'orientation' of sorts...I cannot accept it as ok. Every sex act you desire requires there to be rape. That's like saying a form of rape is your orientation. And when compared with orientations that cause no harm, it seems like its an inaccurate comparison. Can you see how this comparison if offensive, troubling and problematic? 

If you are wired this way, we should get you help. But we can't compare pedophilia to those who were wrongfully treated as immoral in the past for being homosexual, do you agree? 

Pedophilia is officially classified as a disorder, if im not mistaken. And I can see that, because it seems maybe somewhere along the line sexual maturity stops. It gets stuck in childhood, and perhaps attraction reflects that. Do you agree that it is a disorder?

If you had to take medication to suppress sexual desire, and had a doctor to help manage your 'pedophilia' to ensure you don't act on it, would you be open to that?

I noticed that you are using a public mail server to cover your internet tracks I presume. 
You must have to take a lot of precautions, when discussing what is essentially a large part of who you are....right? 

I am sorry you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse. 
Was it someone you knew? 
How old were you? 
Was it one incident or several?  

And I don't even want to know the answer to this, I'm shaking as I type it, but it's an important question to ask, and to try and reason with you on. What are your thoughts regarding child pornography? I think anyone consuming such things are complicit in the sexual abuse of children. Do you or have you ever? 

If so, can you not see that this exploits children much in the same way you were abused as a child? Does that not make you feel empathy for the children? 

Are you aroused by regular pictures of children in bathing suits, etc? 

Just the thought of potential material for arousal of pedophiles in our regular every day ads, or packaging terrifies me, nauseates me.

Most importantly, how can you convince me and readers that you are committed to staying a 'non offending' Pedophile? 

-----

Him: 

Hey, took a while to answer, mainly because Sigaint logged me out without
saving a draft, when I had answered about half...

Also I think it would be good to clarify what a child is, normally when I
mention children I mean someone under 13ish years old.

"I would have to disagree here because its the very thought of sex with
someone so young who can't consent that makes it immoral... in my opinion,
its like having fantasies about raping, but not actually acting on them.
Which is better than acting on them, yes, of course..because no one in the
real world is harmed. But the thought itself is incredibly disturbing...if
I found out someone constantly fantasized about raping people, but didn't
act on it, I would still be repulsed. But yes, it is not comparable to
someone who would act on them. The ones who act deserve to be locked away
from society where they can no longer cause harm."

Fantasies don't have to "follow" the real world, in my fantasies children
can consent without being harmed. While my fantasies might be rape in the
real world, they're not in my fantasy.
It might be disturbing yes, but a lot of things are disturbing to
different people and not to other people.

"How are we to trust that non-offending pedophiles will remain non
offending? Do you have any ideas or thoughts about this? On how society can
not isolate them, and what ways better support could be provided to keep
our children safer?"

You shouldn't trust any stranger to be alone with your child, even if you
somehow knew that that stranger wasn't a pedophile. Most child molesters
aren't pedophiles, they're what they call situational offenders. About 80%
of child molesters are situational offenders (Not pedophiles) if I
remember correctly.

But that doesn't mean that pedophiles aren't more likely to offend.
We should make a distinction between pedophilia and child molesters, and
get more educated about the subject, so that it'll be safer for pedophiles
to come out of the closet (Or "the toybox")

We should provide professional support for those pedophiles who want it,
the law makes it very dangerous to seek professional support. I don't
think that support should only be helping to not offend, because not
everyone needs that, but also help to deal with society.

All this would actually help keep children safer, by having a society
where pedophiles don't have to be so isolated, and by providing
professional support will help keep children safe. Right now we nearly
only provide professional support AFTER someone has been hurt, we should
provide support before someone has been hurt.

"wouldn't you want to have attractions to people with whom you can have meaningful, legal, reciprocal and moral sexual relationships? Why wouldn't you want to experience that?
As it stands right now, you are destined for a sexually unfulfilled life, right? That sounds pretty lonely."

Yes, I'm going to have a sexually unfulfilled life, but life is more than sex ;-)

I wouldn't want to change my attractions because... love. I love children, not just sexually, but also emotional, genuine love. I can love children as a friend, or as a teacher. I can have great loving
friendly relationships with children, just no sex.

"I am sorry that this is the case, and that society has failed in this way.
Do you have any recommendations, after having gone through this yourself in
how society can provide help to those battling such conflicting feelings ?
What can be done?"

Be open, if you're a parent, make sure that your child knows that you'll
love him/her, and make sure your child knows that you as a parent wouldn't
judge them for being a pedophile.

I honestly don't know how a parent would or should handle finding out that their teenager is a self-professed pedophile. They should probably get some help, but would I blame the parents for feeling horrified? How can anyone accept that their child has a predatory sexual desire? How does one cope with finding this out? 

I thought everyone would hate me as a pedophile, and I still think that
when it comes to "the real world" I still think all my friends are going
to hate me and judge me. I think the same about my parents.

Also not using pedophilia instead of child molesters on the internet would
make it alot easier to find help. Although I do like to believe that it
has become much easier to find something positive about pedophilia on the
internet today.

Obviously, I would disagree that there is anything 'positive' to be said about it. 

"Do you have any children in your extended family, or friends that you are
in regular contact with?"

Yes.

This worries me immensely. 

"Is it hard to hide this aspect of who you are from your family/friends? Do
you think your parents might try to get you help or react negatively?"

It's hard having to lie about a pretty big part of your personality, But
everyone has secrets I guess.

I am actually not sure how they would react, a part of me says that
they're my parents, and they have always told me they'll love me no matter
what. But another (possibly more reasonable) says that's what all parents
say, of course they'll react negatively!

I would recommend waiting until you're independent, and can easily cut all
contact with your parents, to tell them, that is, if you're not sure how
they'll react.

"do you think your atheism has influenced you in any way to think
about things that are unethical such as being attracted to children?"

No, I was a pedophile long before I became an atheist.

"Do you think if you were religious, your behaviour or thoughts might be
different?"

I don't think so, no, to only possible difference would be that my morals
would be based on the bible, which doesn't really say that much about
pedophilia and child molestation...

"In Islam, some people justify child marriage because it is said that the
age of maturity is when one hits puberty. For some girls this could be as
low as 8 - what are your thoughts on this? It is also said that Mohammed
married a 6 year old, and consummated marriage at 9. The common excuses for
this are that 'it was a different time' - but he was supposed to be a
perfect example of morality for all times. - What are your thoughts on this?"

I think child marriage is wrong, hitting puberty doesn't say anything
about ones "mental age" I don't think Mohammed was a pedophile, it was simply more normal in the
past. But it being more normal does not mean that it wasn't harmful, so
his sexual relationship with Aisha wasn't acceptable.

Glad we agree on that.

"Similarly in Catholicism we see that the Vatican tried to excuse away or
cover up many incidents of children being molested by priests - Why do you
think this happens in religion, time and time again."

I honestly don't know, might be that the bible doesn't look that harsh on
child molestation.

"But how can you blame people for feeling repulsed at the people who appear
to be a threat to their children? You realize that its almost impossible
for someone to know you are a non offending pedophile and also feel secure
that you will not harm their children?"

I don't blame them, but I would blame them if they get to know the facts
and simply deny the facts. I might appear to be a threat, but I'm actually
less of a threat than "non-pedophiles"

I doubt that. 

I think you should always know someone pretty well, before allowing them
to be alone with your child, even if they're not pedophiles.

Agree completely. 

People need to realize who's actually a threat to the children, and most
of the time it isn't pedophiles. I believe that most pedophiles would
never want to hurt a child, because it seems like most pedophiles really
care about children, care about them being happy. I believe most
pedophiles only want the best for children.

"I believe most pedophiles only want the best for children." I am honestly at a loss for words at how twisted that sentiment is. 

"What happens when everyone talks about dating, sex, crushes etc? Do you
avoid such conversations?"

Hehe, it's kinda awkward most of the time when they talk about sex and
such, so I try to avoid it. If they talk about sex, then nodding should
work...

"Have you been in a situation where someone your own age has flirted with
you? If so, how have you responded?"

I have, incredibly weird, but I try to just be friendly, and not flirt
back, and kinda ignore the flirting.

"its so hard for me to be ok with the fact that pedophiles should be
'accepted' for who they are, because the very essence of who they are is a
threat to innocent children. So personally, 'acceptance' is a strong word,
but openness to helping those who express a desire to not act on this
should increase."

I would like to reach a point of acceptance where there would be no
stigma, laws to prohibit not allowing a pedophile a job, simply because
he's a pedophile.

This will never happen in my life time, but I hope that someday it'll be a
reality.

Pedophiles might also be a "benefit" to children, because pedophiles are
better with children (I at least hear that a few times)

Are you kidding me? Unreal, dangerous perception.

"I hear some people trying to describe pedophilia as an orientation. And in
the past some pedophile organizations have tried to get people to 'accept'
this as they now accept homosexuality. That angers me. Tremendously,
because there is one major difference. And that is the presence of
consenting adults. Every sexual situation should involve consenting adults.
Trying to pass it off as just 'another orientation' does a disservice to
those who have been wrongfully oppressed, maligned and misrepresented by
society...just because they feel an attraction to the same sex."

A sexual orientation has nothing to do with a situation, it has only to do
with ONE person feels. Consent isn't needed for a orientation, because
it's only about the attraction, not compatibility.

I don't actually care what we call it, the thing is, it's here and it
can't be ignored. Pedophilia is the exact same thing no matter what we call it.

"I cannot accept it as ok. Every sex act you desire requires there to be
rape. That's like saying a form of rape is your orientation. And when
compared with orientations that cause no harm, it seems like its an
inaccurate comparison. Can you see how this comparison if offensive,
troubling and problematic?"

I can see why it's offensive yes, but not why should be troubling and
problematic.

If something is offensive, it is naturally going to be troubling and problematic.

"If you are wired this way, we should get you help. But we can't compare
pedophilia to those who were wrongfully treated as immoral in the past for
being homosexual, do you agree?"

I shouldn't be forced to get help, I don't think I need any help right
now. I would agree, we can't compare pedophilia and homosexuality. Because
pedophilia refers to a age range, while homosexuality refers to a gender.
I am a exclusive non-offending bisexual pedophile.

"Pedophilia is officially classified as a disorder, if im not mistaken. And
I can see that, because it seems maybe somewhere along the line sexual
maturity stops. It gets stuck in childhood, and perhaps attraction reflects
that. Do you agree that it is a disorder?"

The APA originally said that pedophilia was a sexual orientation, but
after a lot of backlash, they decided to change it to a mental disorder,
claiming it was an error to call it a sexual orientation. A book that's so
important like the APA would never make such a huge error.

For something to be a disorder it has to cause some form of suffering.
I don't suffer being a pedophile. So no, pedophilia can't be classified as
a disorder.

I'm pretty sure he's explained how he's suffered isolation, depression and loneliness 

"If you had to take medication to suppress sexual desire, and had a doctor
to help manage your 'pedophilia' to ensure you don't act on it, would you
be open to that?"

No, I would not, because why should I? I'm in no way a danger to children.

"I noticed that you are using a public mail server to cover your internet
tracks I presume.You must have to take a lot of precautions, when discussing what is
essentially a large part of who you are....right?"

Yes, I would rather not have a rock thrown through my window, and getting
beaten by some vigilantes. So I do take a lot of precautions.

"I am sorry you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse.
Was it someone you know?
How old were you?
Was it one incident or several?"

It was someone in my near family, I was 10 years old, happened only once.

"What are your thoughts regarding child pornography? I think anyone
consuming such things are complicit in the sexual abuse of children. Do you
or have you ever?"

CP (child pornography) is an incredibly complicated topic.
I often make the mistake that I say that I think CP is wrong.
First, CP can be a 16 year old taking a photo of his genitals and sending it
via Snapchat.
But CP can also be video of a 7 year old getting molested.(Don't know any
as good way to explain this, so please don't throw up!)

I don't think that the 16 year old should be charged with producing CP,
nor should the ones seeing the Snap be charged with watching CP.

But the people involved with recording the video of the 7 year old should
be charged with producing CP, and people who watch that video should be
charged with watching CP.

The 16 year old wasn't harmed in anyway, while the 7 year old was.
So in the case of the 16 year old I don't think it's morally wrong, while
the 7 year old is morally wrong.

I understand the distinction, and I've heard of teenagers getting charged themselves with sharing 'explicit images of underage children', when they were sharing pictures of themselves with their teenage partner. I think that is ridiculous obviously, and all can't be lumped under the same umbrella of Child Porn. Sexting between two teenagers is entirely different from sexual abuse of a child.

But if a 16 year old is lured by a much older person on the internet and then sends a photo of himself, then I think he is harmed, and the person receiving the photo should be charged with taking advantage of a minor, and sexually exploiting him. 

"Are you aroused by regular pictures of children in bathing suits, etc? 

Yes. While I don't find every single child attractive, I do find
certain regular pictures of children arousing.

"Most importantly, how can you convince me and readers that you are
committed to staying a 'non offending' Pedophile?"

If I ever were to offend, I would tell the parents of the child what I've
done, give them enough money to pay for the help the child would need, and
then either turn my self in or... commit suicide.

But I'll never molest a child, I know that, because I know what damage
it'll do, and I don't want to hurt children, ever.

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This entire conversation has left me with a sinking feeling, unresolved questions, and torn feelings of sadness, pity and anger. 

I do firmly believe some conversation needs to happen around this, rather than avoiding the subject...so we can protect children in a more effective way. 

Please do share any thoughts you have in the comments. 

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