Sunday, March 17, 2013

"I had an arranged marriage with my cousin and if I shoot myself one day, I think that will be the reason why."

Image from an earlier post ABCs for Little Pakistanis


2 days ago, someone sent me an incredibly disturbing video.

The person sent it out of concern for the poor girl in this video. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. The sender told me that it was a very graphic clip of a girl in Pakistan being raped by more than one individual. I don't know what I was thinking, perhaps I thought I could report it to the authorities or something, i certainly couldn't just sit there and do nothing... I needed to make sure that it was what they said it was, so I watched it. I really wish I hadn't. I couldn't understand most of what was being said (I was informed it is in Saraiki), but body language is universal. Though very graphic, it seemed like a simulation to me. The girl wasn't really putting up a fight. Just blankly saying 'no, no'... I don't know what the background is, but I'm pretty sure that anyone being overpowered sexually, against their will will put up some sort of a defense...


It seemed fake, and I'm trying to find some peace in that. In knowing that the girl was in on it... but there is still something in the back of my mind saying what if it wasn't, what if she was drugged....I will never know...and I dont know if anyone would care enough to look into the matter, as far as Pakistani authorities are concerned. If someone were to report it, they could easily make a case for it being fake...they might even have been informed already.  


And this is one major issue with there even being a market for these simulated violent/rape videos. Even though its simulated... or so they say it is.... it creates a demand for further exploitation of women... and the lines get blurred... no one ever really knows what conditions such movies are filmed under.. how simulated and how real something really is... especially if its coming from a remote region in Pakistan, there are no rules and regulations surrounding the safety of sex workers there, heck you can get away with rape and even murder depending on who you are... 


So clearly there is some very dark pornographic material being filmed in our 'conservative' country --- but there is no one to turn to.... 


I certainly wont forward it to anyone, because things like this should not be shared, unless there is a purpose... such videos need to be stopped in their tracks. 


Its probably fake, but I can't unsee it. What the fuck should I do? 


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Anyhow, here is an interview I've been meaning to share for a while now, along with some correspondence we had: 


Hello, I love your blog. its ....so informative!! learning about all the crazy stuff pakis r into is such a nice feeling considering uptill i read it i thought i was the only freak in pakistan.
anyways... i read u wouldnt mind interviewing pppl  so...   i'd love putting my two cents in... i'd like to be interviewed
send me an email if ur interested.... fingers crossed...

and great job with the site man.. did i already say i loved it??? good luck..

regards,
Khan

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Hello E!
I have filled out the form (attached). I would like to give u a brief* (hopefully) intro about myself.. so here goes.

I am in most respects a normal 28 yr old married guy. I am pathan and have a good education and totally religious and conservative parents and family life. what most people do not know about me is that i am a total freak. I have been having sex with boys and girls and men and women since i could remember. I got married about 3 years ago. It was an arranged marriage with my cousin and i wasnt even consulted about it. Its normal for where i come from, where the guy bugs his parents about getting married and is thankfull that they found him a bride and he is expected to be gratefull for it. Me, i had a good education in a co-ed school, i watched a lot of english movies and i had much more ideas than anyone of my age group. I act very obedient and devout in front of my parents and family but i regularly carry on affairs with guys and girls and i generally have sex whenever i get the chance. 

I have like these awesome (if i do say so myself) ways and methods where i have ensured that i dont get caught. My wife is oblivious and so are my parents. i plan to keep it that way. I hit on girls and find guys online and i meet them for sex and other activities. i spend money on hookers and goto strip parties and stuff. i watch a lot of porn and have a rather large choice collection. what amazes me is that i dont feel like i am doing anything wrong. I have been told cheating on ur spouse is very bad. I cant process that. What she doesnt know, cant hurt her. I am very carefull about stds and stuff but beyond that... i think i have done everything a pakistani can do. which includes having an affair with my best friend's wife. ... I cannot stop thinking about having sex with every slightly attractive man/ woman boy/ girl i meet. ... i dont know why it is. 

anyways. I plan on writing a book about all the different ways and methods of how to be a successfull cheater!!  lol... doesn't that sound like being a dick??? which i am not. i know cuz ive been told by every guy/girl i have met that im  a very nice guy. very agreeable and good company to be around. Infact my uni graduation title was Mr. Goody 2 shoes. .. 

So there... thats the intro. 

What do u think about the book idea?? does it make any sense? i have never written anything beyond my academic subjects and have no clue how the publishing bussiness works.. do u think it will be a good book? should i even consider writing sucha thing? 
would love ur ideas... 

Regards,
Khan
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The one thing that stands out to me is your lack of remorse. And I'm not judging you for that - Thats not what I'm here for, Its just surprising that you can cheat on an innocent unsuspecting woman so often and not feel the slightest bit of remorse. I mean, perhaps its because you were forced into it, you obviously resent her in some way for that. Though its not her fault either...at least you're able to explore your sex life/lust and desires in whatever ways you choose - but imagine her life -- she's stuck in a forced marriage with someone who isn't the least bit interested in her, and on top of that she is unknowingly opressed by the traditional gender role (that of a quiet, obedient, subservient wife)  that she expects herself to fit into....

I don't know how you can better your/her situation without (openly) stepping outside of some cultural norms that both of you will prolly not be comfortable with. 


You say you're a nice, agreeable man-- a 'goody-two-shoes' but in reality, you're treating your wife very unfairly. She's just there to fulfil her role as a spouse and child-bearer, but I dont think there is much emotion or affection involved. It seems more than a little dehumanizing to me. She is a person, after all, with feelings just like you. Imagine how she would feel if she discovered your constant unfaithfulness. Its not about 'what she doesnt know wont hurt her' , its about if she knew, how would she feel? And even though you say you are careful with protection re:STDs , I think she has a right to know if her partner is promiscuous, because she could potentially be exposed to health risks (not to mention the constant deception)...it's just plain wrong to keep her in the dark about that...


As for your book idea, erm.... well objectively speaking, there is a market for almost anything... and often for douchey things.... so perhaps there is an audience for your book - as vile as it sounds to me. 


I am in a trusting, monogamous relationship myself and I can't imagine how you could sleep easy at night, knowing that you helped people cheat on spouses/partners who trusted them. Its just unethical, imo. Look up Ashley Madison... we have a whole goddamn dating service dedicated to assisting cheaters here. Douchebaggery is not limited by geographical boundaries, whaddaya know!


Other than that, I'm glad you've enjoyed the blog. No you are most certainly not the only 'freak' out there... there are all kinds. 


Lets get on with your interview, shall we? 


Khan, 28, Male

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?

I started playing doctor with my cousins (male and female) when I was about 8. I was just curious at that time. I saw a dirty movie with my guy cousins when I was about 12 and the cunnilingus totally grossed me out but curiosity got the better of me and I watched the whole movie and let my cousins (2 of them) teach me how to jerk off. I listened to all their theories and stories about sex intently and believed every word they said. I learnt the whole sex part and how it can be fun but, I really understood the whole reproduction process from my biology book in the 8th grade and was too afraid to ask anyone about it before that.

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?
I cant speak for others. I think I am very repressed but then again I think I’m a raging sexaholic so I cant be sure. I have extremely religious parents, and a very religious cousin for a wife, and if they know what goes on in my head half the time, or find out what I am upto on my “study” excursions in Islamabad, my parents will disown me and my wife will kill me.

Its interesting that you bring up  the words 'religious' and 'sexaholic' when talking about repression. In your opinion, is your very active sex drive attributed to the fact that you were raised in a very religious environment?

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex? 

My first real sexual experience was with a cousin when I was 12. He was the top and I was the bottom. I Didn’t like it. It was very messy and gross. He was around 15 and when he came, it looked like the stuff that comes out when you blow your nose and I almost puked and I didn’t have another experience with anyone else. When I was 15, I started playing around with my class-mate. We were both the same age, we both took turns and then both of us jerked off together. We tried our first penetration after watching a hetro-porn movie and that was the first time I really enjoyed it. First experience with a girl didn’t come until the 8th grade when my cousins brought a hooker to their house and I was coaxed into it. We used the saathi condoms and she practically walked me through it. I have not stoped enjoying sex with either sex ever since.

I'm glad you were informed enough to use a condom even though you were young. And you are the third interviewee that I've heard from who had their first (hetero)sexual experience with a sex worker. 

On premarital sex:
I guess no one can remain celibate. I think its like an addiction, once you have sex, you crave it eternally and I have had a lot of pre-marital so I can’t just come out and say its bad. I think one should use condoms and get tested before marriage.

Did you get tested before marriage? And do you continue to do so, regularly? I think that is the least you can do to insure your wife is not exposed to STDs, especially if you're not planning on informing her about your encounters. 

On Arranged Marriage: 
I had an arranged marriage with my cousin and if I shoot myself one day, I think that will be the reason why.

Wow. That was a very heavy sentence right there.... shit....I don't even think you realise how disturbed you are by this forced marriage you are in. I think you need to sit back, re-read this interview and re-assess the situation.... 

The girl looks too much like my sister. I didn’t even see the her till my marriage night. I couldn’t get an erection for 21 days after our marriage.

I can completely sympathize with you. It must have been awful, for both of you...I have trouble understanding why you continue to stay in this type of a relationship though... clearly... it makes you very very unhappy... maybe your sexual encounters are your way of acting out, rebelling in a way... trying to take back control in some manner.... Since you must have felt so powerless when you were betrothed against your will. I can't even believe I wrote that last sentence to someone from this century, to be honest...

It has improved with time and now I have sex with her everyday sometimes twice but its more out of necessity then anything else.

Holy shit, every day? Sometimes twice a day? Why? Why is that even necessary if you don't feel anything for her? Are you trying to impregnate her? 

I do not hate her, I just don’t love or like her.

Again, this srikes me as something very important. You don't love her... but you don't even like her... and to spend eternity with someone you don't even like seems like torture... do you think she feels the same way about you? 

If I had a hooker for a wife who would agree to participate in gangbangs and let me do my thing I’d have been happy.

Why does it have to be a 'hooker'? One doesn't have to be a professional sex-worker in order to be up for unconventional sex. Or are you saying you'd want your wife to sleep with others for money? Does that arouse you? And you really wouldn't be jealous if your wife participated in group sex? I would be curious to know the answers to those questions...

If I was unmarried I would have been the happiest man in the world. They never even asked me if I wanted to get married. They just said, we have decided 20th February as your marriage date. I made all the fuss I could but couldn’t make them budge an inch. My whole upbringing was never to question their wisdom and now I hate them for it. I think I am in sex overdrive because I don’t find a lot of pleasure in my marriage. I don’t find her hot, so I have sex with girlfriends, hookers, gay guys anywhere I can get it. (sigh)

Ah, that answers the question I asked earlier...so you do see it as a cause and effect type of thing... Honestly, I dont know what your relationship with your parents is like... but I can't see why you wouldn't just walk out....perhaps I just cant relate because I've lived abroad my whole life.... I don't think its right for anyone to force anyone into such a marriage... guy or girl... and it disturbs me greatly that this is still happening. We are creating generations of children as a result of forced unhappy marriages... and these children can't be too stable coming from such a home...the damage is transgenerational... and i don't think we realize the extent of it.

On Sex & Equality:
I prefer to act dominant and sometimes role play as a submissive and I don’t think its equal. I may not like something and still do it just to give my partner the pleasure.

On Sex & Exploration:
I think I have watched more porn in Pakistan than anyone else and I like all kinds. I think one should try everything because I thought I didn’t like a lot of things and the grossed me out but when I tried them, I find that I like them. What I have tried and liked are oral (giving/ receiving guy/girl) sm, bondage, rough, abuse, domination, role play and voyeur.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?
I don’t understand this question either. Well I understand what you’r trying to ask but I couldn’t be bothered about society or gender roles or whatever. My mind is already too ****** up without having to think about mundane stuff like that.

Well, I dont think it's mundane...in my opinion stereotypical gender roles are the root cause of the type of oppression/coercion you have experienced... 


Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?
Nope. Unlucky is all I can say.

Do you think about sex every day? 
Yes. About 400-500 times probably. Every man/ woman I see, I judge whether I would sleep with him/her or not. Those I like, I picture naked and think about things I would do to them. this process is about 10 seconds.

Holy shit. Wow. 

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life? 
Yes. With all the porn, the sex, the fantasizing, the sexcapades. Hell yes

Haha yes, since these are pre-written questions, sometimes they are redundant. Apologies. 

On Masturbation:
I love it. Though I have found a long time ago that if I masturbate regularly for a week or so without having sex in the meantime, my performance during actual sex considerably decreases and sometimes I cant even get a erection during the real process. If I refrain from masturbation for 3, 4 days, I frequently consider myself superman.

On Pornography:
I love watching porn. I have probably seen more porn than anyone in Pakistan. I know its kind of abusive to the actresses who work in it, and they’r probably being exploited but… still…. I like watching it. Especially the rough violent types. The simulated rape stuff, the degrading girls sorts.. I don’t know why I like those but I still do ..

Well, at least you're honest. And at least that's make believe. But I must admit... when I read this answer of yours...I had to think for a long long while about what I would say to this. It made me incredibly uncomfortable..any mention of rape/violence and non-consent makes my skin crawl. And for the record, I have no issues with 'rough play' or consensual  S&M but there's a major difference between kink and enjoying women being degraded...

The difference is, that the 'violence'/aggression in Sado-Masochism is mutually desired, craved. Sometimes even begged for. It is definitely consensual. The simulated rape and violence stuff... makes me sick to my stomach because they are simulating that it is non-consensual and the fact that someone gets off on that is hard for me to wrap my head around.  I do however understand that sexual fantasies are a completely different realm from reality. Many fantasize about things they would never act upon... but still.... its definitely a grey area...I think if my partner were really into watching pretend rape and pretend violence... It would lead to some very serious talks....Beyond this, I'm quite speechless really.. I don't know how I can tie this up neatly.... so I wont....

To what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world, do you think people practice bestiality (sex with animals) in this country? 
Now that is something I find totally repulsive. Its just animal cruelty. Yet Ive heard of a few people having done it once or twice. I think the comparison is very small but im only guessing.

What are your thoughts on homosexuality?
I once thought I was a homosexual. I was in a relationship with another guy for about 2 years. And I don’t mind it. But now I know im not a homo. Im maybe… a try-sexual.. lol as in that movie. Where the guy says I’ll try-anything-sexual. Homos are aight. I love them. glad to have them.

Do you think education is important, when it comes to something like sexuality? 
Hell yea. People need to know how to have safe sex. Many of my cousins who I used
to play with, I have found, are engaging in unprotected sex with hookers. I try to tell
them about it but they never take me seriously. I have cut them off.

You have cut them off sexually you mean? Or cut them off as in you don't hang out with them any longer?  

What kind of role do you think sex plays in religion?
Islam is …. Well not properly implemented. If I had 4 wives, and a few slaves, I think I would never have any sex outside of marriage. The wives would drive me insane but I think I’d be satisfied, sexually-speaking. Apart from that, I think sex is gracefully accepted by Islam as something natural unlike the negative view that Christianity has of it. But the sex I practice, lol, I know I’m going to hell for it.

*No Comment* *breathe* 

Do you think we have a problem in this country with sexual predators and Pedophiles, and to what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world?
Yes definitely there is a huge problem with pedophiles. But I don’t think its more than the rest of the world and we need more education and openness about it to stop it. Beyond that, im out of ideas.

As far as sex lives are concerned, do you ever wonder what other people in this country are doing? 
I think everyone else is a saint and im the sinner. I think they are living their lives
repressing their desires and Im the only one acting on them. but I know that is just
being naïve and im wrong.

Yeah, you should read the blog more often...u will see that is not the case

What are your thoughts on oral sex: 
I love it, giving/ receiving with guy/girl. Nothing could be better though there are
very few who know how to do it properly.

Would you morally, ethically or in any way have a problem marrying someone who has had sex with someone else before you? 
Me personally, I have had pre-maritial sex. And although I have never fantasized about cuckolding I think it would be okay if she had had sex before. I dont mind applying the same standards on myself and my wife.

Not having double standards is always good. I wonder how you'd respond to her stepping out on your marriage as often as you do. 

Are you more conservative in bed or do you consider yourself to have a 'wilder' side than most? 

I like it as wild as I can get it. With the wife, I often let her do her thing, lights off and the way she wants it. With girlfriends, boyfriends and hookers, I do whatever comes into my head and never let them turn the lights off. Slapping, choking, abuse, spitting, videos, yelling .. everything goes.

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Hi thank u for getting back to me so promptly.

I have to ask though, when u say u have sex with men/women and boys/girls do u mean underage children? I certainly hope that is not the case.

And when u mention that u enjoy the rape fantasy stuff, is that limited to fantasies...or do u think u would actually want to overpower someone in that way? 

These are questions I had to ask. 

E
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boys girls mean 18-24. i aint no pedophile and i think they all need to be castrated and electrocuted... so there

and rape means simulated rape ofcourse.. cuz that would have that macho abuse angle. i cud never rape someone even if i wanted to cuz u see if i get the slightest inkling my partner isnt enjoying wht im doing, i lose my erection.... and i think its kinda cruel too. but those pornos are kinda hot cuz they have that slapping and abuse stuff going on so...

so no pedophile and no rapist here…

-Khan