Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Yes, a married Muslim woman is entitled to orgasms


Its quite apparent that the types of Pakistanis and Muslims that are represented on my blog are not of the average kind. Your typical garden variety of Muslim/Desi/Pakistani will usually have more conservative views. But alas, the more conservative kind do not often willingly speak about sex. And they most definitely do not read the filth that is posted on this blog. But I do think it's important that voice from the other end of the spectrum be heard... Recently I began communicating with a wonderful and fairly open minded hijabi, she goes by the name 'The Hijabist'. It goes without saying, that she was shocked and horrified with most of the things she saw on the blog, and couldn't really delve into much of the writing due to her unmarried status. We began chatting about how it really bothers her that all these muslims are trying so hard to be westernized and so freaking liberal, that the true muslim voice doesn't come through on Nice Mangos. And I wholeheartedly agree...I have been searching for someone to speak up from the more religious side for ages. But all i find are these gosh darn liberal hippie types... live and let live....everything is ok and everything is acceptable. Enough of that already....i have that stuff going on in my head all day anyway. I want to hear about scripture, I want to hear about whats 'allowed' and 'not allowed' and why its not allowed.... I want to hear the opposite side of the argument.


I asked her to write up a little something, and she was kind enough to oblige... so here it is folks... time for something different... here is a guest post by 'The Hijabist':

 I am not an Islamic scholar. Nor do I have any sexual experience whatsoever. Now that we have the two most important things out of the way, what makes my point of view important on this blog? This is my humble effort to represent the other desi perspective. As a Muslim, I believe in refraining from sex till after marriage. Over the past year or so, I have come across many people who are shockingly ignorant about sex in Islam. “You guys have to do it with the lights switched off” “The woman cannot say no” “Only the missionary position is allowed” 


Some testimonials I have read on this blog blame their religion for the lack of their sexual liberty. If  you're willing to have sex before marriage because everyone is “allowed” to do so and that you have been unfairly refrained from it because your religion is a restriction on your liberty, then power to you. From my perspective, it is a restriction on my liberty if I am being forced by the media into believing that I must be able to have sex with whoever I want, whenever I want. If this is liberty, then it is most definitely not my version of liberty. 


That being said, I do not force anyone to agree with me pushing down their throats my idea of sexual liberty. What does Islam have to say about sex and sexual practices? What is haram (not permissible) and what is halal (permissible)? Let me start with the beginning of mankind. Christianity believes that Eve was a temptress who lured Adam into committing a sin. According to this theory, woman is the source of all evil. Here is where Islam steps in and puts an end to this gender bias. Adam and Eve are to be equally blamed. They said, "Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers." (7:23). They both asked for forgiveness and they both were forgiven. Without getting into the nitty gritty, this serves as proof that man and woman are equal in Islam. Their rewards and punishments are equal. No gender has the upper hand over the other in terms of sexuality either. 


 Sex in islam is not just for attaining carnal pleasure. It involves the psychological, physical as well as emotional involvement between a husband and wife. Sex is a sadaqa for spouses. Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "O Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim). Sex in Islam is rewarded! Surely anything that is rewarded is beautiful, no? Sexual pleasure for a woman is a must as it is for a man. One of the reasons for committing adultery (a sin in Islam) is the lack of sexual pleasure from spouse. In order to prevent this, it is very important for the man to be aware of his wife’s sexual needs and the same applies to the woman. This means foreplay, foreplay and foreplay. Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfill one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55). 


Another hadith to strengthen this further; Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah). 


Moving on to sexual positions that are permissible or not, this verse: Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers. (2:223) explains that all sorts of positions are allowed as long as they are not anal. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in her anus.”


(Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 3/529; narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 1165). It was reported from Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell you the truth: do not have intercourse with your wives in the anus.” (Narrated by Imaam Ahmad, 5/213; a hasan hadeeth). There it is. The can do’s and the shouldn’t do’s from Islam. This of course is a sex in islam quickie review.


(lol, i assume the pun wasn't intended ;), sorry for the interruption, do continue)


For further knowledge and in depth analysis I do suggest you all to indulge into the Qur’an and Hadith. Does this mean sex should be boring? Absolutely not! Does this mean woman is sexually inferior to men? Not in the least bit. Man and woman are equally entitled to complete sexual pleasure as long as they keep it halal. By that I mean sex in a legal marital relationship, between a husband and a woman. If this seems very restricting to some of you, there is no compulsion in religion. You cannot pick and choose what you like about a religion. In my opinion, that is lame. Religion is a way of life that should encompass all stratas of your social, political, economic and sexual lives. This being said, there is much reward in giving your spouse sexual pleasure. Man or woman. Keep it halal ;)



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 Well there ya have it people :) I shall keep my thoughts to myself for now... but would love to hear yours!

28 comments:

  1. “We began chatting about how it really bothers her that all these muslims are trying so hard to be westernized and so freaking liberal, that the true muslim voice doesn't come through on Nice Mangos.”

    Eiynah, I know that these words are only your summary of what you both spoke about, but here goes anyways:
    What is the true muslim voice, and how does it always agree with the person referring to the true muslim voice?
    There seem to be as many versions of Islam, and all other religions or belief systems – for that matter, as there are believers. Not two Muslims would uniformly hold the exact same opinions of what the tenets of their religion are. This is made even easier by the hadith, some of which are supposed to be more accurate and verifiable than others. One could almost pick and choose ones that align with ones beliefs - cough, cough.
    Also, what is western and why is it always wrong?
    Hentai must be very western. Animated porn. Outrageous, I know. Someone needs to remind those westernized Japanese sheep that they are eastern.
    In fact our western neighbors, immediately to our west, Iran and Afghanistan, and then the Arab world – slightly further to the west – should be reminded that they are western. At least relative to us.
    If you start heading East, North or South from Pakistan, people seem to keep getting liberaler and liberaler.

    “I am not an Islamic scholar”

    That’s for damn sure, yet even ‘scholars’ keep arguing with each other, so don’t hold that against yourself. I, the reader, will let you feign modesty, and even let you use the non-scholar status as a get-out-of-jail-card every time you assertions turn out not to be entirely factual.

    “Nor do I have any sexual experience whatsoever”

    What so ever? You don’t have to have another human being engaged to have a sexual experience. Suffice to say, I don’t believe you.
    Over the past year or so, I have come across many people who are shockingly ignorant about sex in Islam. “You guys have to do it with the lights switched off” “The woman cannot say no” “Only the missionary position is allowed”
    I definitely don’t know what God says about having the lights switched on or off but I have come across so many Islamic advice sites providing arguments for both sides of what seems like the most unnecessary of debates, that I would pardon those ‘shockingly ignorant’ enough to hold either belief. I would definitely also question a religious thought that inspires one to investigate to that level of detail for fear of incurring wrath – from a being who appears to a be a shocking stickler for detail.
    Also, about sex positions. You need only type Islam + sex positions on google to find multifarious religiously backed opinions on the matter. I am talking here about respectable Islamic organisations and people who have proclaimed themselves or have been proclaimed by other to be experts, i.e., scholars of Islam.
    About women being able to say no, here, you are just plain wrong. The uniform opinion is that women can’t say no. There is some argument out there about how if a woman is ill and says no, she would be excused, in the eyes of God, and that God asks men to be considerate and this should then mean that they should not impose their will on women. But that is appealing to men’s better nature and finding certain circumstances that might be extenuating, and does not take away from the fact the women aren’t allowed to refuse sexual pleasure to their spouses. You should have known all this already but I will excuse your ‘shocking ignorance’. Here is a source, btw, where you can find many narrations (hadith) about wives refusing sex, all of which say the same.
    http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?HD=11&ID=2360&CATE=117

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    1. I know its kind of very late, But I came across this article and what Mackers said is exactly what I was thinking about when I read it. So much for a universal thing, every one can pick out stuff from Ahadees and fit according to their likings. There are so many versions of whats RIGHT and whats WRONG on all possible topics in Islam even within the scholars of the same FIQH.
      I really liked all your comments MAckers!

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  2. “From my perspective, it is a restriction on my liberty if I am being forced by the media into believing that I must be able to have sex with whoever I want, whenever I want."

    I don’t know how the media would force you to believe anything. And if the media is somehow trying to sway you to the opinion that you should be able to have pre-marital sex, then that is not a restriction either. The world ‘able’ implies a choice. A choice (and I don’t know why this should ever have to be explained) is the opposite of a restriction

    “If this is liberty, then it is most definitely not my version of liberty.”

    Your version of liberty can’t actually be referred to using the word ‘liberty’

    You carry on with the story of Adam and Ever and then stretch the story to extrapolate that men and women are equal from the Islamic point of view. I don’t want to get in to the “nitty gritty” either but let me extrapolate a little as well:

    “Wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves,” doesn’t lead me to believe that the next sentence will be “oh, and don’t forget, it’s ok to have sex even if no cultivation is planned and indeed no sowing of seeds will occur. Also, make sure she gets off too. And I am sorry for mostly always talking to you when the message is for both genders.”

    “Does this mean sex should be boring? Absolutely not!”

    Blowjobs are not mentioned in the holy book, and therefore some ‘scholars’, depending on the madhab you are going by, think of them as ok. Even then, the majority opinion is that they are makruh. And no, there is no consolation in the fact that handjobs might be okay.
    Anal is uniformly denounced. Once again, detracting from the enjoyment of sex.
    In all, if you were to follow your favourite scholar’s interpretation of what is permissible, you would, as far as I am concerned, be practicing the most sterile, mundane of sex lives. Flipping you partner around, and then trying to remember whether what you are about to do is allowed, makruh, or prohibited doesn’t really inspire enjoyment.

    “Allaah is not too shy to tell you the truth: do not have intercourse with your wives in the anus.”
    “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in her anus.”

    I don’t know about you but these lines caused me fits of laughter. Something about God not being shy about telling me not to stick it where it don’t belong and then refusing to look at me for not obeying. It might embarrass God telling me this, but, dammit, he has to do it.

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  3. Hahahahaha From where you get these funny illustrations ! Not Anons bt you are funny

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    1. ermm.... in case u hadn't figured out yet where i 'get' these conveniently relevant illustrations from....and often mango related too... fancy that :P

      i draw them....

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  4. APakistaniFeministMay 23, 2012 at 7:15 AM

    Though it is refreshing to hear the 'other' perspective on this blog, i think you have missed some key points regarding islam and sexuality. You do not mention what Islam has to say about oral sex (as Mackers pointed out) or masturbation. I am very curious as to what your thoughts are on those topics. That being said, Mackers, If you're a dude - I'd do you. ;)

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    1. Are you asking me my opinion or are you asking the Hijabist?

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  5. APakistaniFeministMay 23, 2012 at 7:17 AM

    Eiynah, I'm alway interested in hearing your thoughts, but in this instance I was asking the Hijabist.

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  6. Mackers, thank you for your thoughts. Apart from that there is not much to discuss considering that you have your opinion and I mine. Also you seem convinced with your opinion. Glad you have that figured out.

    A Pakistani Feminist, from the little bit I have read on oral sex, I have come to the conclusion that it is makruh. This opinion is subject to change. As for masturbation, if one feels that one cannot act upon their sexual desires in a halal way, one may indulge in it.

    Allah knows best.

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    1. You've generated quite the interesting discussion here. Awesome. :)

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    2. also, thanks for coming out of ur comfort zone and doing a post on here..., a lot of my readers opinions will perhaps vary from yours... and you prolly knew that..I appreciate that.

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    3. Thanks for inviting me Eiynah :)

      I must also thank you for being very respectful of mg opinions. X

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  7. The media is forcing you to be able to have sex with whoever and whenever. That is an awesome use of force. We need more forces like this.

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  8. Thanks APakistaniFeminist. I’d do you too. It’d be amazing if this catches on as a compliment.

    Hijabist: Thanks for being congenial. I hope that I have at least persuaded you somewhat that what liberal people believe is not something they have been brainwashed to believe, or fooled into, and that their thoughts are backed up by just as much enquiry and conviction as yours may be.

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    1. And I hope I have persuaded you into seeing Muslims in a different light.
      :)
      Did I thank you for taking your time to write an essay of a comment? Thank you :)

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  9. BTW a female in Abaya is more attractive sexually than Pamela Anderson in bikini and hairy Soofies, Qaries have more sex drive than ordinary men (maybe cause of washing & fondling genitals 5 or more times a day)!

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  10. Sucha cute illstration E. I loved the mango girl. Why is he laughing? N why are her eyes closed???? Just curious.hehe

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    1. Qari Saheb is happy laughing and i think she is having intense orgasm thats why her eyes closed in ecstasy.E is funny as usual

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    2. they both could be sharing a joke too... why it has to be orgasm... why ?

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    3. Oh its my desi perv mind you know

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    4. NJ, if u keep commenting as anonymous, i will stop publishing ur comments. honestly, just use ur initials please.

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    5. Wese I always get curious about Maulvis and religious ppl having sex. I mean with their long beards n moustache is foreplay enjoyable ?....how can you kiss easily....:( I feel pity for their wives.:(

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  11. Yuckkkkkkkkkk intercourse during periods ! That loose soft warm feeling of blood on your lun and rotten smell.

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  12. This was great, thank you for this. :)

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  13. Sex during periods is forbidden.
    Oral sex is allowed as Islam says do whatever as long as its not anal or during periods. However, you should note that oral sex can lead to infections etc. its your call.

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  14. The only makes sense post on your blog :)
    H.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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