Thursday, April 28, 2011

An adventure in inter-web land..Heejra's and Masturbation?!

Ok so im gonna stray a little from the porn topic here, I'll continue that next time, cuz i have fun little stories to share.

One night of complete insomnia, led me through a couple of online adventures (the chand sitara was shining too brightly in my head i guess).

After tossing and turning for about 2 hrs, i decided to reopen my laptop... and see if i could find something to keep me entertained, *sigh* not much to do at 3 am... but wait.... whats this, i log on to fb, and I see a conversation between a bunch of non desis about Pakistan's recent acknowledgement of an alternate gender for ppl from the Khwajasara (heejra) community - awesome! I love hearing non-brown people's opinions about Pakistan.

(i personally prefer the spelling Heejra, as opposed to Hijra, just like i prefer Mangos, to Mangoes *shrug* can't say why really, but i do - in case u hadn't noticed, i also have a disregard for punctuation)



([click to zoom] I'm not normally one to push my taste in music on others, mostly cuz i'd like to keep it for myself :P but this time, one of my favourite songs kept playing itself over and over in my head....it's just so appropriate, like all the time... but in this instance too...I'm sure most of you don't like industrial music... but if you want to check it out, i've added the video below. I remember when I was a teenager, I painted the lyrics to this song above my bed, and my parents were so disturbed, lol)




So a (non-brown) trans friend puts this as his status:

"Go, Pakistan. It's not every day that a third gender gains legal status."

and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... ya know... like, hurray, we're being praised for something... and not being talked about in the context of terrorism for a change.

Anyhoo some interesting comments follow;

Jon: Really? Pakistan!? Wow.

Mark: I would look at the reality that faces those with the third gender before praising the lawmakers. Also, see the reality of gender rights as a whole in Pakistan. Somewhat lacking.

Gabby: While technically a step forward and perhaps even preferable than the alternative in some regards, I have to honestly question the wisdom of an official document basically outing people as transgendered anywhere they go.

Jen: I think it is awesome!

Mark: Its major limitation is that by being defined as 'not men' the people affected actually will likely lose rights to basic legal freedoms that they might have benefited from beforehand. There is a pretty sordid history of Pakistani women being subjected to fairly heinous crimes and by large measure, male culprits face little in the way of punishment. There is a high profile case right now of a woman who was gang raped and who has been largely vilified. The men involved have been acquitted of wrongdoing and the woman will at the least suffer serious social stigmatization. The impact for transgendered persons will undoubtedly be negative until Pakistan properly recognizes the rights of all people through both legal and social avenues.

Trey: Pakistan sets a global precedent. Hijra have it rough, and I get that, but the last census showed upwards of 300,000 of them. Hundreds of thousands of transwomen. In one country. And there was nothing said about transmen. ...Mark, you always have incredible insight, but I can't help but think that it's a good thing. I understand that with registration comes with legal stricture, but it also comes with protections. It will be interesting to see what happens.

(Course I jump in, but dunno if i was making any sense at that hour)

Eiynah: @ Gabby - they do sort of 'out' themselves ... they make sure they look different from the rest of society, and they kind of have their own culture (the Heejra community) there is no way u wouldn't know one of them if u saw them. Comparable to the over the top recognizability of western drag queens, I guess. @ Trey - i personally think its a fantastic step to take... but i fear it'll be revoked or dropped at some point soon... it is pretty cool that Pakistan is one of the first to do this :)

Gabby: While I am certain that their situation has it's particular nuances and circumstances, I feel being labeled a third gender is missing the point of a lot of transgender issues. It is, in it's own way, still segregating.

Eiynah: perhaps in certain situations/contexts it is, but in Pakistan - being acknowledged as 'not within the confines of male or female', is a pretty big step..this will at least (hopefully) give them an opportunity to integrate into mainstream society.

Mark: RE: Eiynah@Gabby, Some do out themselves certainly. But there may (or not) be a hidden population that identify as either male or female for socio-political reasons. A birth certificate saying 'other' may hinder this ability to lead normal lives, albeit untrue ones. RE: Trey, I can understand what you are saying, and I'm sorry that I derailed an otherwise happy thread. I would cheer about it if I thought that Pakistan had any significant ability to enforce its laws but I don't think the state does outside of Islamabad and Karachi, and given that weakness in Pakistan my concern is that this move may be at best an ill thought out pr stunt, and at worst a means of registering people who will later become targets of political and religious oppression.

Trey: This conversation is really neat, because each of you - Eiynah, Gabby, and Mark - have such different perspectives. I would consider each of you people who could speak intelligently on this topic, but for completely different reasons.

The registration of Hijras in Pakistan kinda reminds me of - PLEASE EXCUSE THE COMPARISON - the legal discussion of legalizing sex work in Canada.

WAIT! Don't mis-read what I'm saying. I would compare the two because with rights come regulation and the potential for mandated, legal, inequitable treatment.

Both groups face the potential for sexual exploitation, harassment, and flat out torment. Both groups need protection. That's why I compare the two. That's the ONLY basis for comparison. Seriously.

And Mark? You didn't derail anything...I'm happy to have this conversation on my wall. Speaking as a transperson AND as a dude who likes decent, informed dialogue.

Amanda: I, too, find this conversation interesting. I was, however, under the impression that those who identify as hijra, were not being called 'a third gender' or 'hijra' as a positive use of language but more a description of what a person is not...as in, neither male nor female, or, in the case of hijra as basically not part of society. While I too see this acknowledgment in law as a small step in a positive direction, it still strikes me as 'othering'. Trans people have been around since the dawn of time and yet we still have a long way to go to embrace all people as individuals. I find it disconcerting to be labeled on my identification and sorted into washrooms by my sex - and lets face it, when it comes to washrooms, wouldn't it be preferable to be coded according to how clean or messy we are likely to leave the facility rather than what shape our genitals are at the moment?!

Trey: I wish I understood Pakistani culture better so that I had SOME conception of what 'Hijra' means. You're right, Amanda...every article I've seen so far has discussed Hijra as 'other'. BUT, all of the news articles that I've read have been... written by 'others'; by Britons or Americans or Canadians. I have not read a single article by a Hijra or, for that matter, by a Pakistani author.

I agree that it's a little ridiculous to be labeled by identifications like gender and sex; there are ANY NUMBER of more applicable labels (like cleanliness of toiletry habits? LOL!)

But society - particularly Western Society (because that's what I know) - DOES code people by gender.

It is really exciting to me to think that some government SOMEWHERE may conceive of someone kinda-sorta like me as someone deserving of legal status.

While the media has reported that the Hijra can be designated 'E' (for eunich) on their documents, they have made no reports of the deeper implications of this ruling. I would love to imagine that it would be possible to have a third gender on Canadian documents, and I am looking to the news from Pakistan for comfort.

I am imposing MY conception of gender and MY conception of social interaction on these articles. I am picturing myself as a person who has just gained the legal right to list myself as 'E' on my identity cards. That's rad. But very uniformed.

Gabby: Certainly, as someone born in the west, I feel that I must acknowledge that, for all I know, this could be the best thing to happen to these people in a long time. I honestly don't know.

Still, I would feel somewhat concerned if, here in the... west, my personal ID were to identify me as something "other" than x or y. I would honestly question as to whether I'm being given some genuine form of acknowledgment, or merely being branded with a modern day scarlet letter.

Personally, as someone who sees gender as a gradient as opposed to a binary, I would rather we do away with the whole idea of gender identifiers on personal ID, as I find it rather irrelevant. A girl can dream, can't she?

Mark : Re: Trey, maybe I can help as I have a (very limited) awareness of Pakistani cultural and ethical codes. The Hijra are commonly seen as little more than prostitutes and beggars and are openly ridiculed on the streets. I don't know what their parental situation is and while I assume it to be quite ruthless in some households, I can imagine that there are many who lead closeted lives within accepting households.

The traditional cultural laws (Islamic influenced but not necessarily religious) do not accept homosexuality as good moral or ethical behavior and there is a prevalent conception that any emotional or sexual interaction with someone of 'ambiguous' sex is correspondingly Wrong.

Also, it is no secret that poverty in Pakistan is a serious problem and the Hijra are represented exclusively within the lowest economic strata of society. These people are unlikely to carry identification of any kind, lack basic food security, have nothing in the way of support networks organized through any government or NGOs. Their primary support networks are informal and may include a group of Hijra living together in a slum and pooling resources earned through begging and prostitution, and reliance on sympathetic Muslims who believe that it is their duty to help others who are less fortunate (as many middle-class Muslims do).

The reasons there are no Hijra among the middle or upper economic strata is twofold. First, they may be hidden or closeted by supportive family members who have the resources to support a dependent. Secondly, they are ostracized and turfed out as pariah. Social stigma forces unemployment, and they end up on the streets at the low end of the economic spectrum.

Its impossible to talk about drop in centers, or legal aid in a place like Pakistan. They simply don't exist. And the growing influence of radicalized forms of Islam will almost certainly present more obstacles to the plight of the Hijra.
If we were talking about any country that can enforce a rule of law then I would applaud the decision. As it is, I actually can't see any benefit, other than PR, but if someone can shed some light on this I would appreciate it.

Eiynah: I'm assuming im the only Pakistani in this discussion, but Amanda, your perception is absolutely correct. The term is not a positive one, and they are most certainly perceived as a group 'outside' the bounds of society, But in this otherness, they have a unique acceptance in our culture as well. They do coexist with the religious fundamentalists.. and so far, no one has had a serious religious issue with their existence..in fact they participate in a lot of weddings, and when babies are born. They are a part of our culture, and surprisingly, they aren't often threatened for their unconventional appearance and flaunting of sexuality... but then again, they're not treated like a regular member of society either. Basically, they're excluded to the point that no one really cares, not even the bearded crazies (this may be a blessing in disguise). (my apologies to the bearded uncrazies - those exist too!)

@ Mark there may be some people who live life as male or female.... but the majority often are disowned and join the hijras or they run away and join the hijras... plus if ur closeted, you're not really considered a hijra then. And if u can live ur life closeted, then you're obviously free to choose M or F on your ID card...this is only something that would effect the ppl that live openly as hijras in the first place.

@ Gabby, i can see how coming from a western perspective, this would be disturbing.. and really, you've got to see each country for where it stands, we cant put the same standards of 'freedom' on every nation, because a lot of them wouldn't apply everyhwere. (as much as i dislike cultural relativism, this is one of the few instances where  the situation is different dependant upon culture imo...as being trans in pakistan doesn't mean the same thing at all as in the west.) 


In the West, if such a law were ever to be passed, you would probably have a choice to opt out of identifying as anything... but in the east - acknowledgement is the first step.

My only concern is that this may not last - not that i think its a PR thing, cuz in a traditional Pakistani perspective, its not exactly.. positive....we as a nation don't really thrive on giving our people freedoms or acknowledging their sexuality, or alternative lifestyles..we'd much rather portray that there is no such thing in our country as hijras...

* * *

So there you have it folks, that was an exciting little discussion involving at least 1 trans person. Of course, not everything said about the motherland was positive, but seriously, how could it be...just one look at the news will tell you there isn't too much to praise :(

And, I'm sure you, my fellow Pakistanis will have some interesting things to say about this conversation. Since most of this is a complete outsider's perspective, I find it quite interesting.

* * *

So, once that part of my night was over, i made my way over to twitter and there somehow, a fairly religious muslim guy wanted to start a conversation. Now you know, I'm always on the look out for more interviewees, especially male ones - and hey someone representing the more conservative side, it couldn't get any better than that. So we chatted for a bit, he was a nice guy...genuinely interested in the blog. He seemed pretty open, and wanted to talk about sexuality... Masturbation in particular, lol. So he asked some general questions which i was more than happy to answer... but then he began asking for details... as in, he wanted to get to know more about my own personal habits. Oh jeez, here we go, I thought to myself...this is where this turns from an intellectual discussion about sex and sexuality to a wankfest for someone on the other end.

And i shouldn't be surprised really, I am a woman from a muslim background, writing about sex... its bound to get some beardo off...just funny that that hadn't occurred to me from the beginning of this project.

In his defense, when i said i wasnt going to answer any personal questions like that... he said he'd back off. But then it did keep cropping up...perhaps he was hoping i'd slip in a detail or two without noticing... lol... what a dick... He did try all sorts of methods... By the end of it, he said he'd consider an interview only if i made it worth his while and gave him more details about my own masturbation habits.... Uhh WHAT? well thats where that ended.

I've lost my end of the conversation, because that's not delivered to my email, and twitter apparently deletes direct msgs after they reach a certain point... here are some the things that were said;

so i was reading through your blog - particularly found the masturbation interviews interesting.

whats your personal opinion on masturbation?

so yeah... whats your personal opinion?

do you know of folks who consider themselves religious who do it?

Are these people you know well, or interviewees? women as well, though? and married people?


more than anything, it was this insatiable curiosity that fascinated me...i totally wanted to keep talking to him, cuz we're such different creatures, you know..and i for one, believe curiosity is a good start to anything...

it would be refreshing to talk frankly and personally to a muslim woman who does it.

mostly im wondering if they feel religiously conflicted about it, and if that affects how frequently they do it, etc.

(talking to a girl abt masturbation) it would be a huge turn on. im not trying to be weird or hiding that lol


and fair enough, i can totally see why...

cause its different to speak personally than just hear some semi-anonymized information, you know?

>masturbation however is so different, so rarely talked about personally unless it turns into something odd.


As a religious muslim male, you can totally see the inner conflict... he wants to talk about it, but there is definitely guilt and hesitation that comes through..

so are you of the opinion that a healthy married muslim woman needs to incorporate both sex and masturbation into their lives?

One look at my blog would tell you i'm not very conflicted about the immorality of it.

ah, so no masturbation conflict to you, right? ;)

then i ask if he faces an internal conflict about masturbation himself..

yes, and i assume you do it fairly regularly as well?

Much to his desperate disappointment, I am not answering the personal questions...but he continues, what a hero. 

before you got married was it more frequent? and does sex always fulfill the same pleasure need?

I'm trying to keep it as general as possible, and I say, 'Usually I'm the one doing the interviewing, hey would u be open to doing an interview?'

i might be open to it if you would be open to my asking you more as well lol

well im more interested in how you "discovered yourself" and what your masturbation habits were like before being a relationship.


Lol, really dude? 

i admit its a bit of turn on, but really its not that, its more "real" than anything else when speaks about it themselves. can understand it being odd so i won't push it. just never had that kind of convo before. i can drop it though

Well, at least he's honest... and of course I knew he wasn't asking all this for purely 'intellectual' discussion purposes ;) 

By now, I had to ask if he had a beard...since he considered himself a religious person...HE DOES. Religous beardo wants to know more about my intimate masturbation habits... what a shocker. :O 

Being the good muslim I am, i just had to point out that wanting to hear about a woman's experiences firsthand wasn't very islamic either... *gasp* one would venture to say, that it might even be like reading erotica...which is not permissible.... 

of course its not "good" in the sense that it isn't making me any more religious, but then again neither are a lot of things.

i think erotica is probably in the mind of the reader, you could be absolutely factual and vague and some would consider it erotica.
but your point is valid.


*HAH*

The true path of Islam is really striving in the way of God. People assume that to mean very literal things. Jihad literally is "struggle"
people associate it with war and killing.

but my Jihad could be an addiction to alcohol, or overeating, etc.

So I feel Islam is trying to always perfect yourself, knowing you can't attain it and relying on God's mercy when you screw up.

Pardon me, but this god dude sounds like a bit of a dick. 

(the blog)its unusual and hence a turn on in a way
You have a lot in common with people growing up in Islam, yet you are open about sex. That there is a turn on for a lot people im sure.

My blog is not a 'sexy' blog.... there is no stroke material here, at least I'd like to think there isn't. Just a lot of discussion...some people are easily aroused. 

*Later in the convo*: 

me: .. ok so im gonna contact you for the interview...

i'll consider your offer if you consider some more details from your experiences. Lol

here we go again...what is the desperation for my personal wank details? The internet is full of stuff to stroke to. But its not coming from a good little muslim girl (which is what i guess he thought of me) 

And for the record, as important as interviews are to me, i am never going to give up stroke material as a trade...just sayin' ;) Cheers!



Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Sugar and Spice….



So last night my dutiful husband sat down to do the research I had asked him to. The search for girl porn was on…and I gotta say, I have rarely seen him that focused or dedicated..LOL. Before beginning, he made sure to tell me,

“Ok, so I’m starting your ‘research’ now…just letting you know incase u turn around and wonder what I’m watching on my computer…”

Poor guy worked really hard, didn’t even raise his head till dinner time :P

But after a couple of hours into it, he tells me that although this was fun, it was definitely harder than he thought it’d be. A lot of what he found was lesbian porn…there was barely any ‘straight’ girl porn out there. I’m not too surprised, cuz I’ve heard women say time and time again that they’re not really turned on by a lot of male frontal nudity (unless its in real life)..so I can see why pornmakers targeting women, would eliminate men entirely…but I’d still expect more hetero stuff out there than my husband could find.

Another thing he found was a trailer for some Scandinavian feminist porn. Strange stuff. He's a big fan of Scandinavian music, so he enjoyed the soundtrack.. but was totally like, wtf… with the video. Again, in the preview clip he showed me, there were several lesbian scenes. Softer lighting though.. and the camera angles looked a lot more artsy. The most interesting thing about the feminist porn clip was the scenes objectifying men…putting men in flowery stockings and watching them wank… (gotta say, that doesn’t do much for me at all)…there was some exhibitionist stuff as well, I guess that was coming from an ‘empowerment’ perspective….

Bottom line, the ‘feminist porn’ was quite different to the regular porn targeted at women. It was a bit more aggressive, and I definitely didn’t see the male objectifiying stuff anywhere else.

So while I’m watching the clip my husband’s tinkering with something in the kitchen and says in a kinda complain-y tone,

“This feminist porn stuff, its so weird, so much of it is about embarrassing the guy.. and objectifying him.”

And I said,

“Well why not? That’s what they do in regular porn with women, like ALL the time…”

That’s when I saw a wave of realization cross over his face, it hadn’t even crossed his mind, I suppose… its just so normalized…so taken for granted. When the roles are reversed, it hits you....He goes,

“That’s a good point…that’s exactly what they do…never thought about it that way…”

See, it’s not that he’s not sensitive to women and their issues, its just that when you see something over and over again, in all aspects of society, you do tend to become desensitized to the issue. I mean, something as basic as TV / print advertising – objectifies women almost all of the time. And advertising is something we’re inundated by… from the moment we wake up, to the moment we get into bed…it’s something you can’t escape. In a way, it’s a soft core model for what’s portrayed in a lot of porn, gender roles aren’t as exaggerated anywhere else… That’s why a good male objectifying ad is needed from time to time… esp when its done well…

Who can ever forget the old spice guy;



And not to mention this little treat, I always enjoy this one ;)



Oh another thing he told me after the research was that a lot of porn targeted towards women wasn’t for free…for realz! My reaction was, wha? Do women really pay for porn? We can usually get sex pretty easy, the real thing… so what’d be the need to pay for video clips, etc.?

Ah capitalism, you can sell anything, especially when u define it as a ‘niche market’ I suppose.

***

Here’s what the interviewees had to say on the topic;


Ayesha, Female, 28

First off, I object to any pornography that makes use of actors involuntarily, ie. Porn involving children etc. As most porn is aimed towards a male audience, I’ve never really enjoyed it personally. Pornography, like art, will never die out, because there will always be people who need it, to lift their spirits or anything else. I think its pointless condemning something that has existed for centuries and will continue for many more. My objection is to the exploitation embedded within the industry, which is possibly a result of its criminalization in the first place.


Layla, Female, 19

If it’s done well it can be very sexy, but not the hard core stuff it just makes sex look filthy, unromantic and disgusting and if I saw it before I did it I would’ve been a lot more reluctant. But the soft sweet romantic stuff is a good mood setter.


Ambreen, Female, 28

I’m not against it or for it... but I do wish that porn had more of a story rather than people just going at it ... I think they need to make porn targeted towards women... like in movies... they always show frontal nudity of women but not men... according to my husband its cuz no one wants to see the guy but everyone wants to see the girl...


Mariam, Female, 26

im not one of those people that’s completely averse to porn….. I have seen enough porn in my lifetime…. Here and there… it doesn’t bother me…it’s part of society and its not going anywhere…like alcohol or drugs… regardless of what people say about it….doesnt matter how much we try and ban it or curb it….sure – there’s no need to encourage it or over-indulge in it…. Because it is correctly assumed to be a negative influence in most people/s lives …personally it doesn’t freak me out too much…. Some people just use it to enhance fantasy… or to get away from the stressful aspects of sex…once in a while…sure I can enjoy it… but I can’t deal with an excess of it. I mean it is sort of dehumanizing..and there is an element of it that gets under your skin….but I wouldn’t hype about it too much.


Fatima, Female, 25

I wish there was more porn in the world that was female-oriented, I grew up to a lot of porn as I said earlier….we had porn nights…all the cousins would sit and watch porn together. It was funny…it was arousing for some…it caught the attention of the boy cousins – but the girls were bored in 10 minutes. They were tired of seeing the same shit and thinking why does she look like a plastic “ki guria” at the end of it.

As for things like child porn, OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? Why do people do that? Why can’t we kill those people?!!!!


Sumeira, Female, 25

I think it’s great. I don’t think it exploits women and I don’t think it’s more male–oriented either.


Zobia, Female, 22

Pornography is not something I’m particularly fond of….I think its degrading to women, but then those women choose to be in porn, so you cant exactly feel bad for them. Soft porn is the only kind of porn I would possibly watch…there are way too many kinds of weird porn out there though…and I’m not a big fan of it generally speaking.


Saira, Female, 22

personally I’m not into watching other people having sex.... I also think mainstream pornography is really degrading to women... it’s always multiple women with one man. so I don’t like to watch it. . I’m positive there’s pornography in Pakistan....didn’t someone tell me they sell it at rainbow market..... I don’t know if I wanna see that... hairy Pakistani men... (laughs) they probably have names like leela ka ghar.... hahah leela ka bistar.... hahahahahh


Rabia Female, 23

Always found porn to be a little too vulgar the times I did see it (random incidents with friends up until a couple of years ago). Putting religion aside, from a social perspective I feel even if people feel it ‘enhances’ their sex lives or is a good way to compensate for the lack of a sexual partner, it encourages a degree of openness that personally I feel kills the element of true sexual intimacy with your partner.


Farah, Female, 29

I think much of it [porn] is very male-centric and can create all kinds of illusions about what sex is and should be.

There is a very interesting article on pornography that talks about how, when two people are making love, they are not actually having sex with their partner, but rather an image that they have constructed throughout their lives. I am expressing it badly – all I remember is it was written by a philosopher and I think it was in the NYT


***

So, nothing outrageous or shocking in those thoughts…a couple of women mention the ‘male-centric’ aspect of it. The one person that stands out to me though is Sumeira, when she says,

“I think it’s great. I don’t think it exploits women and I don’t think it’s more male–oriented either.”

It leaves me thinking… what?! a) how can you as a woman not see that at least on some level, it exploits females… and b) how do you not see that its more male-oriented? How?

I don’t even know how to explain to myself, what she could possibly be thinking….but if you’ve been following the interviews, you may have noticed that she often makes a lot of bold statements.. and also, has had a bit of a troubled past….. perhaps her past shapes her perception. She’s said things like,

I got married out of spite. My mom didn’t want me to do it…I did it. Had a few drinks, came back told her I was married. Handed her the nikah namah…You can’t tell a kid ‘you’re daddy’s not nice’

my mom was pregnant with me she overdosed on pills because she caught my father fucking around. My father has actually admitted to this himself.

I learned how to have sex through porn; I went through my moms stuff.

I actually saw my mom having sex, she didn’t show it to me on purpose. But she knew that we knew that she was doing it- she knew we were in the house – you shouldn’t be doing it when you’ve got 2 kids in the house. The kids can fucking hear you, they’re curious …they’re going to look through the keyhole.

*shrug* I dunno what makes people say the things they say…. But one can speculate… the important thing is, that at least they say them….

…thoughts?

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Porn is for Perverts...



Those of you that know me, will know that i'm not exactly the most tech savvy person in the world... but hey, I do what i can... I have learned to draw with a mouse, write a blog and a couple of days ago, i even started a Twitter account.. wtf! Yup all by myself....although i think i accidentally started following Kim Kardashian, which i had no intention of doing... agh... i'll figure it out.. eventually...for now i'm just excited to have a new place to connect with ppl... but being on there too long makes my head hurt.

lol ... i'm slowly growing in to this century... I remember at first when i started dating my husband....i got the sense he kinda thought it was a 'damsel in distress' act..... me, trying to be cute so he could come to my rescue... and help me with computer-related issues...something he's very good at (thankfully)... but lol, he's now realised it wasn't an act at all... and that it may not be as 'cute' as he first thought it might be... :/

But hey, at least I've got someone to download music, movies, and take care of any other tech issues i may have. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about somthing though,
and that something is porn. Lol, not in that way...maybe a little in that way.. but mostly i've just been curious about what porn would be like if it were catered to me. Porn for women. I'm sure its out there.... guess who i'm gonna ask to find me some ;) It'll just be interesting to see.

Of course, I've seen enough mainstream porn to know it doesnt do much for me... and I've talked to a lot of women who feel the same way...but thats cuz we're not who they're marketing it to. And if thats the case, then why isnt there an equally bustling porn scene that caters to women? Is it cuz we're not interested enough in watching sex to make a female-oriented porn scene worthwhile? Or is it cuz society everywhere is still set up to believe that the business of sex is mainly for men.

Do we just not have the drive to stimulate/inspire the making of female-oriented porn or are we just taught to hide our sexuality to the point that we're not seen as sex consumers... when we very well could be.. *shrug* i honestly don't know....

A couple of days ago I had a friend visit me...I was telling him about my blog and somehow the conversation turned to pornography... and how he claimed that there wasn't really a market for it (girl porn). We talked more about what i think girl porn would be like...and I found myself describing something that didnt sound a lot like porn at all... he laughed... he's like, "if all you want is an hour of build up, story.. and then some light romantic sex... with little or no male frontal nudity... then thats what movies are..."

that threw me off.... cuz yeah.... movies have all that...

I'm pretty stumped though...what would i like in a porno?.... i don't fucking know... till now i was just accepting whatever was out there...but girl porn exists..for realz...I just hadn't put much thought into it before...

...soon my husband is going to have a internet-search homework assignment, that i don't think he'd mind too much. lol. Once i find it, i'll let you know if it was any good. (As for the other gentlemen reading this post, perhaps you'd like to try it out on your lady friend... and see if it does anything for her? Go forth and hunt for girl porn ;) )

Coincidentally, the same day I had that conversation with my friend a reader mailed me a link to an article about female porn... the next day, I was at the doctors office, reading a paper in the waiting room and I saw that we're having some female porn awards in Toronto... its like all signs are pointing to girl porn these days... obviously the heavens are trying to tell me to watch some. *Shrug* A girl's gotta do what the universe is telling her. And yes, in Toronto, some of our papers have pretty racy ads... i remember my cousins from the states were pretty shocked to see the paper here...lol

One things for damn sure, girl porn wouldn't have the same kind of perfect blonde with fake boobs in every clip....thats an image thats not very relatable for the average woman...we do need something a little more realistic and believable than that...

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How does all this porn talk relate to Pakistan you ask? Because the people in our country consume a heck of a lot of porn, thats how. I remember someone took me to a 3 storey 'mall' called Rainbow Centre while i was in Karachi... apparently a lot of what they sold there was 'Blue Films'. I didnt go in though, I stayed in the car... I wasn't in the mood to have my ass grabbed by the horny men of Karachi bazaars...it's bad enough in the vegetable markets... i didnt want to find out what it'd be like in a porn market. I heard they closed that place down though... some kinda piracy issue or whatever (correct me if im wrong)... but I'm sure Karachi, and Pakistan in general has plenty of sources - not just that one.

When we lived there (Karachi) briefly, my brother went into the drivers room one time... and found a blowjob dvd on the guys charpai (bed)... my brother came downstairs... super disturbed... he was only a teenager then, lol... he was like wtf! we have to get rid of this guy.. he's a perv... blah, blah blah... I was actually sympathetic to the driver at the time...I simply said, that he shouldnt have gone into the guys room... he's an adult... and plus his wife's in some village....so he obviously doesnt have access to sex.... what else is a guy going to do... right? that was my initial reaction.. but later we discovered that this guy was a fucking perv... and that he was taking advantage of other 'servant' (i so hate using that word) women that lived on the street....but the point of my story here is, that he could've been a perfectly decent guy... who just needed some kind of outlet, cuz he was working in the city, far away from his wife...
sadly, that wasnt the case and he was a complete dick, but my point is... porn isn't what caused him to be a dick...

what do you think? Do you think that giving sexually frustrated men access to porn will just fuck them up even more, or is it healthy to give them access to an outlet...to release some of that sexual frustration.... We're an Islamic country... we don't approve of masturbation, and we certainly don't approve of pornography... yet almost every man in Pakistan has some...including the religious ones (this driver of ours had a full mullah beard) ... who's really looking down on who here....? and why? why the bloody hypocrisy?

Course we're such a righteous country, that we don't make porn....(although I have heard of instances and recently even read an article - though i question the accuracy)....

Once i attended a bachelorette party in Karachi where someone had gotten hold of porn with brown ppl in it. They were probably Indian - and it was super weird to watch.... seeing brown people fuck isn't a visual im used to...almost any other race is less disturbing...

see how deeply ingrained it is? I'm all about being open-minded and sexually liberated... but watching brown people fucking...hits too close to home...

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But of course, this discussion on pornography opens up a whole other can of worms - the exploitation of women, and how some peoples partners feel cheated on, etc. Most importantly, my main issue is the exploitation of women... which is why I think a country like Pakistan shouldn't be making porn - they're just not ready...women are already opressed sexually, exploiting them on a film set would be far too easy, and acceptable. In other parts of the world women are still exploited in terms of making porn, but that is not always the case.

As for some partners feeling cheated on, I mean.... thats more of a personal thing..if someone you love and respect and share your life with feels uncomfortable with the idea, then thats something you need to work out together.

Although I'm gonna say, with access to the internet all the time... the temptation is just too great for a lot of people (especially men) ... so it's a little unrealistic (in my opinion) to expect them to live a totally porn-free life...

on a lighter note.... here's something i came across on youtube...it makes me cringe but i can't look away....we may or may not have a porn industry in Pakistan, but the dance scenes in some of our movies are seriously vulgar... lol I dunno why this makes me cringe more than a full on double-penetration shot... but something about this is far more ... i'm gonna say 'nasty'... cuz i can't think of a more accurate word. Perhaps its all just conditioning... i can more easily accept straight up double penetration... than this weirdness... oh - and this actually turns people on... WTF... lol feel free to explain how... anyone...