Friday, February 11, 2011

Masturbation in our Nation...!




Wow, I‘ve never felt such writer’s block. Every time I sit down to start this post, I have absolutely nothing to say. Usually, I have to curb myself…because my mind is going faster than I can type….but not this time……nothing……a post about touching yourself shuts me the hell up. Who would've known. A woman who can’t talk about masturbation …oh I’m such a cliché…

I sit here counting the days till we finally see signs of spring, the ground is still covered in a thick sheet of snow...there's not a single leaf to be seen...but there will be...i'm pretty sure of that. Ah rejuvenation, fertility, reproduction..... thats what spring's about.....No wonder you see so many pregnant women out in that time of year...it’s amazing…it’s so natural…..even nature does it. :P

Most of us have sexual urges (asexuality is another post in itself) - sometimes those urges lead to sex, because sex is a great and natural part of adult life…and sometimes sex leads to reproduction, which is wonderful for some, but it's not something that everyone wants or chooses, and that's ok too.

But what about the times that sex isn’t an option? What then? Is satisfying yourself a dirty deed….or is it completely natural? Just like spring rain….maybe it’s supposed to happen every once in a while….

Great, I’m back…I’m rambling…and all thanks to looking out the tv screen that is my window. I love nature. Not in that way. :/

Here we go... Masturbation in a Muslim nation...

Growing up – no one ever talked to me about it…I did hear stories however…probably stories from the 'immoral' West, either I heard about it on TV…or read about it somewhere. These stories were about the evils of masturbation; how it could make you blind, make you grow hair on your palms…increase or cause acne - they were horrific…but I felt very removed from such stories as my parents never said anything about it. Sexuality wasn't really ever discussed.

I didn’t even know masturbation existed for the longest time! Of course eventually I was bound to find out. In school I would often hear guys bragging about it, It was funny when the guys made jokes…it seemed like a perfectly natural activity for them. But it never occurred to me that all the girls were silent…or uncomfortable during such conversations. Our school (in Saudi Arabia) had people from over 50 nationalities (at least), but no girl…from anywhere in the world…ever mentioned masturbation.

So, naturally I grew up thinking that female masturbation was not a good thing. If it were in any way normal or acceptable, there wouldn’t be this silence…. obviously…

It was simple, the way I saw it, men could masturbate… talk about feeling 'horny' and wanting sex, but if a woman were to do that it'd be considered highly 'unfeminine' or unladylike. At the same time however, I never thought it could cause blindness or hairy palms or any such thing. I always knew that was a bunch of crap.

Our Sex Ed. class which was pretty extensive especially for a school in Saudi never covered masturbation either. In my mind it was a pretty big mystery…

I recall my dad had brought us this set of encyclopedia-type books…they were all about “The Questions Children Ask” or something … those books helped me out with a school project on hot air balloons and answered all sorts of other questions that a young mind could have, pre internet. They were nicely illustrated and the books were all colourful, as you went through the series each got progressively more advanced and for the most part, when they stopped having pictures and being colourful…I just wasn’t interested in reading on.

My siblings and I referred to these books often. As the internet-less years rolled by, I went back to those books from time to time…progressing through even the ones that didn’t have pictures! With each book, the topics became more advanced. One day I decided to look at the last book in the set - it must have been a painfully boring and scorching hot day in Saudi Arabia. I was done with all my Archie comics (yes I read those :P )…there was never anything on TV because there were only two channels and one of them was Arabic.

I distinctly remember grabbing the dark green book off the shelf. I sighed, opened the pages and looked for something interesting to read. While going through the book, I realized that this wasn’t a book for children at all (my oh my)…in fact, this last book in the set was for parents and how they should tackle the more ‘awkward/tricky’ situations in family life, “Very interesting” I thought….

I knew I wasn’t supposed to be reading this. I came across a page discussing masturbation and how to explain it to your children…and that…was the first time I fully understood what it actually was. That was an information overload. I quietly replaced the book on the shelf and pretended I never saw it. A few days later….I noticed it was gone…I’m pretty sure my mom took a look at it and realized it wasn’t for us kids, and that was the last I saw I of the book for a long time.

Well, it’s a good thing I had some answers and had read that parenting book on how to address more complex issues with your children. Because as a big sister…whenever my younger siblings had any questions they felt uncomfortable approaching our parents with, they always came to me. It wasn’t easy, since I never knew what my mother would want me to say to them in such situations. I was afraid of getting in trouble because *I* didn’t want to be the one to tell them about sex or masturbation when I didn’t know where my parents stood on the subject of discussing it with their kids.

When I was asked, I did the best I could… One time in particular, I remember my brother came and asked me what 'masturbation' was and that some boys were telling him about it in school. Oh gawsh. I explained it to him, awkwardly/vaguely and then he went and asked my mom, he told her that I had already spoken to him on the subject. Just as I feared, I was in trouble. She told me I shouldn’t be talking to him about this stuff, that he was too young (he was like 10). I remember feeling really bad about it afterwards. Looking back at that lecture I got from my mother, I think it’s quite commendable she didn’t tell me it was a vile and disgusting act.. and that I should have never mentioned it at all - she just said my brother was too young to discuss these things.

Coming back to the present day, before I actually began writing this post, I was awfully curious to find out why I hadn’t heard anything crazy from my parents or relatives about masturbation (blindness, etc). So a few weeks ago, I called my mom and asked her what the conservative Muslim opinion was on the topic. Aside from the fact that she was a bit surprised to hear the question, she didn’t really have much to say. She thought about it and said the she couldn’t speak for all Muslims, but as a culture many Pakistani’s like to pretend it doesn’t exist and so don’t feel the need to tell their children frightening lies about what horrible bodily harm it could cause them. They just assume their children don’t do it. So there hasn’t been a need for stories. Damn.

I told you denial was a Pakistani national pastime. I don’t know which is worse, telling people they will become blind from it, or not acknowledging it at all....

So thats my bit... next time, more from the interviewees and their tales of 'self-discovery'.

17 comments:

  1. Eiynah this is a hilarious and intriguing post! I'm glad you've brought this up and I'm curious to hear what other Pakistani's have to say about it. Being a Pakistani female I too can say that almost no-one ever spoke to me about masturbation. Even out of my very liberal group of friends I can only think of two Pakistani girls who have ever mentioned it, or openly admitted to doing it...somehow it hardly comes up, but like you said - the boys I know often joke about it and talk about it openly.

    It's funny how female masturbation in particular is either treated like a myth or immediately condemned in our country. Almost no-one is comfortable simply accepting female masturbation as a truth without judging it. I think the predominantly Muslim, conservative Pakistani society fears that women who masturbate could possibly "lose" their virginity before marriage (or develop too deep an understanding of what is sexually pleasing, which is shameful :P) - so everyone avoids the topic like the plague, and hopes for the "best." I think that Pakistani society still expects women to be "pure" and innocent - especially if they are to be considered worthy of marriage.

    Masturbation on the other hand, is a bold acknowledgement and celebration of one's own sexual appetite. It is altogether too unholy a prospect...especially for women!

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  2. Pre-marital sex is wrong in Islam - that is the key issue. I take it you don't really believe in Islam - else you would be against pre marital sex.

    I find it really sad that Islam and its morality is dying out. Either by hypocrisy or by Western values. Its a brilliant code and system to live by.

    What I find interesting is that those who promote Western values often such as pre marital sex - often overlook the downside - and there are more downsides to premarital sex than positives in a society.

    As far as 'stuggling' between so called Estern/Western go that I find healthy and good on so many levels - I think we are meant to struggle as Humans else we would be very robotic and become bored. Imagine living in a "content" state.


    Its hard to have a discussion through comments section. Would love to know why you think the way you do think.

    Amin

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  3. Aaaah.... interesting.. reminds me of my teenage years jerking secretly closed eyes thinking of neighbor aunt butts !!!

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  4. Lady your blogs great reading stuff for curious men like me..
    Aaaaah Bachpan.... relative ki shadi per raat ko Zarina aunty ke sath aik he bed per sleeping aur slowly pulling her shilwar down from behind and inserting willy in her butt crack (heavy heartbeats) and cuming quickly then pulling up her shilwar to its place.
    Funny thing in the morning having b/fast together Ammi Razia aunty me and others... Razia aunty teasing me pinching my cheek and saying oooh T.... sahb bhi is shadi mein aye hain... Wah

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  5. It could've been much better if you didn't add a disclaimer to your picture :p

    I remembering high school in pakistan talking about masturbation was pretty common among guys. Sometimes we would have this occasional girl who would hear us joking about it and go all 'ewwwwwwwwwww' even though there was neither and vivid description nor any seriousness in these talks.

    Its pretty unfair I would say, there should be equal opportunity. Your mom was absolutely correct in saying Pakistanis pretend it doesn't exist. One of the worst possible things to do.

    I guess we're trapped between such high standards set by religion (or rather the clerics) that any talk about masturbation (something pleasurable) is instantly rejected as being too diverting. Look at how frustrated ppl are because of that :/

    There shouldn't be any guilt in it. Nice post.

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  6. Thanks for all the comments everyone. Some interesting things being said here.

    @ Zobia : Great to hear from you - I'm assuming you're the Zobia from my interviews. I'm glad you're reading the blog, and I'm sure everyone is interested in hearing what the interviewees have to say.. so keep commenting ;)

    @ Taimur - Lol, you're so right dude... it would've been far funnier without the disclaimer.. and believe me i went back and forth for a while, deciding whether to put it or not... but like i said... you never know who's reading... and I seriously don't want to be the cause of anyone getting the wrong msg. That being said, I completely agree with you, there shouldnt be any guilt in it, for either gender. Its just part of being human. It's that struggle between religion and freedom that kind of gets tricky.

    @ Amin: Hey there! Glad to hear an opinion from the other side. But first off, I just want to remind you this post isn't about premarital sex, its about masturbation. They are two entirely different things - are you implying that masturbation is a form of premarital sex? If so, i'd love to hear how...

    Secondly, I'm not here to talk about my religious beliefs, but let me just say that I believe in being non judgemental. If a consenting adult wants to engage in premarital sex, thats between them... and their higher power. I dislike what Pakistani society has turned into, definitely opressive for women. Religion is often used as a tool, so called 'religious' people are often hypocritical. You have to remember that 'Islam' and its teachings are filtered down into regular society after being interpreted by a few men. Obviously there will be personal biases. And yes, we will always struggle to find balance as a species, thats what life is all about. I respect your right to have opinions, and would love to continue to hear them. But, I ask you to also respect my right to an opinion..as well as anyone else's on the blog. This is great place to start a discussion on the topic i think. Feel free to point out things you think might convince people your p.o.v. is right... :) It's a free world :)

    @Anonymous with an aunty fetish - dude, if u just look back at my last post... it was about consent. Violating an aunty while she's asleep is very wrong. You have a right to jerk off to whatever your mind can conjure... but to physically violate someone while they're sleeping is just wrong on many levels. I hope you no longer think thats ok. I hope that other than gaining amusement, you're gaining some knowledge as well. If your moral compass fails in sexual situations, and you need guidance, please feel free to ask. I am all for liberation and personal freedom, but sexual freedom should be kept to yourself, and other CONSENTING adult partners. Feel free to share your experiences, but also be open to criticisms.

    And that my friends, will be all for now.

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  7. It's good you have a place for discussion on this topic. I'm not surprised by the attitude of women's masturbation, because that attitude simply means that women don't have sexual desires and only exist to serve the desires of men.

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  8. Eiynah please lets know are you a real pakistani female. coz remote sensor in back of my brain tells me you are desperate male.
    BTW if you are serious female then i have many secrets, fetishes, curiousities to share

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  9. Eiynah if it was not with consent then aunty shud stop me and not pretending shes sleeping. imagine some teenager nephew doing that with you in sleep and you didn't feel nothing !!! my point of posting that comment was hypocrasy in our society.
    BTW you lived in Jeddah? if yes dont tell me that you lived in Saudia City during 80s & 90s.

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  10. From illustration to the post, it was as good as it has always been. It's true that denial is Pakistan's favorite time pas. I was brought up on all these stories related to masturbation and used to fear it until i read stuff. Hahahaha funy world funny life

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  11. I'm glad you enjoyed the post Hadi, and I'm happy you no longer believe those stories. :) It is truly unfortunate that we as a nation prefer to live in denial than face anything 'controversial' head on.

    @ RenKiss, I completely agree, that is usually the attitude associated with women's sexuality in much of the country.

    @ Anonymous - of course I'm a real Pakistani female, lol. What makes you think i'm not? If you read my earlier posts, I talk about my husband and other experiences relating to being a Pakistani woman. I assure you, i could not have made all that up. I'm curious to know why you're having a hard time believing it. And also, please feel free to email me and share whatever stories you have to share regarding the topic of Pakistani sexuality. Perhaps we can include it in a post on here. Also, if you have any questions or concerns, shoot me an email: nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom

    @ Anonymous with the 'aunty' story (i'm assuming you're the same person that doesnt believe im a girl...)But if your point was to demonstrate the hypocrisy in our society it didn't come accross clearly. But you're right about the aunty not waking up... I actually wondered about how she slept through that. So you seriously think she knew? Yikes... so is she your real biological aunt? It's definitely an 'unusual' story... but I hope that your sexual encounters after that have involved an awake person. I didn't live in Saudia City, but i knew some people that lived there. Why did u live there?

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  12. I have found your blog to be quite useful. Keep updating your blog with in valuable information... Regards



    Web Designing

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  13. Its bold and highly relevant!

    I am not in Pakistan...but I think at many levels this also reflects the mindset of South Asia. I will surely follow the blog now :)

    p.s. you do have many anonymous male followers here :)

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  14. Eiynah why no updates ?

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  15. Been a little busy lately, but I was just on my way to post a little something :) Glad you missed my work!

    @ Siddhartha - welcome! I'm glad you like what you see... and you're right...Most of South Asia has a similar attitude towards Sexuality... a lot of judgement and very little education about the topic.

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  16. Shahzad from Pakistan. Eiynah,your idea was interesting, but your execution needs a little drama. What i mean to say is that you should have shared some personal experiences instead of playing it safe :-)

    But since You got BUTT BOYS attention. So i am giving u a 7. Love to talk to u. This is inspirational.

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    1. Hi Shahzad from Pakistan, nice try.... but despite ur rating of a 7, i don't think i'll be posting personal masturbation stories. As i've stated before, my aim is to inform and create duscussion, not provide stroke material. There are plenty of other sites for that. :) Cheers!

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